9109 miles

Taking stock

2009-11-30T22:19:00.005Z

So we're about to head into December and it's the time of year at which most of us like to take stock. Well, certainly anyone who spends more than a couple of hours a day online will agree. For the next month I'll be reading everyone's top tens for 2009 and following all that up with whatever resolutions you have for 2010. It's the same every year and I never get tired of it.

My last post was back in August so I guess I'd better bring you up to date. I'm opting for a non-chronological format, as we'd be here all night otherwise.

Over the past month or two there's been a few events that have been fairly intense but, coming out of it all, it's put me in a position from which I can look back and be pretty pleased with my 2009. Even with 2008, though that's a end-justifies-means minefield I'm going to avoid. I turned 26 at the start of October, just a few days after my grandfather passed. Around about the same time, my new cousin Poppy was born over in Germany. A week later, I had a slightly uneasy family reunion up in Scotland for the funeral and if that wasn't enough, I met Laura's parents for the first time before we flew home. Fast-forward a month and I'm in Sydney, again reunited with family from all over, this time for my older brother's wedding. It's like some sort of Hollywood-style resolution. Birth, death, marriage and the equilibrium you get when they go hand-in-hand.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I realised I had a bigger role to play than I'd thought previously. Being settled over here, I'm better connected with my extended family and while I don't see my immediate family nearly as often, quality now definitely takes precedence over quantity.

Looking back at what I was saying this time last year, I can't be disappointed with 2009. Looking forward to 2010, I won't make resolutions per se but will aim to take what I've gained in 2009 and do something with it. I have no idea what, and that's both exciting and daunting. As always, if you're anywhere near me any time in the new year, I'd love to host you for as long as I can. If that's not going to happen, please try to keep in contact with me - I do miss you.

Two months off

2009-08-20T17:40:00.006+01:00

It's been two months since I've been on here and... well I can't say I've missed it too much. Still. It's my day off and I've used it to sort a few things around the house - after which I realised I'd never shown the world any pictures of where I'm living.

So, here's the tour. From town, cross the river and head down Coronation Road. I'm at number 259 and the numbers only go down one side (the river's on the other) so that gives you an idea of how long the walk is. The house's name is Holsten House - great for a Spurs fan.

Inside the door you have stairs, which lead up (naturally). My room's downstairs so we won't bother looking up there.

To our left we have the living room, which nobody really uses. We all have our own TVs, so it's pretty pointless.

Straight ahead there's the kitchen, which has all the usual kitcheny things with the exception of a dishwasher. Bastards. On the right is my bike, which I use to frustrate the drivers of Bristol. No, seriously, we're apparently the most bike-friendly city in the UK (the greenest too, according to a recent study).

Also on the left, you have my room. It has a nice big bed, purchased from Charlie Bear for £100 (along with a TV, wardrobe, chest of drawers and bedside table) and a pet lion. His name is Roary. I won him in a darts game at the harbour festival. He's awesome.

On my wall I have two notice boards, brought up from Highbridge. On the left, there's bills and tickets and stuff I think might be important. Please notice the Reading tickets, my girlfriend's business card and an invitation to James and Ciwi's wedding.

On the right is where I pin said items when they've exhausted all purposes other than to act as souvenirs. Not a bad collection of tickets considering I've only been here a year.

Underneath my desk I have my record collection. It's not huge but I'm getting there... it's not hard to find stuff, considering Chemical Records is based here.

I've also got a few board games. I've only had Cluedo a few days and I think it's missing some pieces (not bad for £1) and the new version of Risk is a bit confusing. Boggle is awesome, though, but you know that goes without saying.

Here's my turntables, TV, speakers and my map. On the map there's a stick-on-star over every place I've got friends. If you'd been reading my blog you'd know about this.

My DVD collection (growing) and a few other items I had to have over here with me.

And the back garden. On a pretty rare sunny August afternoon.

So that's it. Not exactly amazing but it's mine (well, 1/3 of it anyway) and I worked hard to get to this point. Come and stay sometime, if you're in the area.

This day last year

2009-06-18T08:29:00.002+01:00

At this time on June 18, 2008, I was on board a plane from Perth to Singapore en route to London Heathrow and then on to Stuttgart for the first leg of my European adventure. That's right - it's now been a year since I left Perth. I feel like I need to write something momentous to mark the occasion but I don't really have a lot to say; things are going pretty well, when you put it all in context.

I'd be lying if I said it hadn't been the most stressful time of my life. When I set off last year I had no idea where I'd be from the end of July. The southwest was always one of my options but in truth I had no idea whether it'd be Burnham/Highbridge, Bristol, London, Brighton or anywhere else. There was also that ever-present fear that I'd end up heading back to Perth, tail between legs.

So is this the point at which I can pause momentarily, turn around, have a look at things and say I've achieved something? Possibly. Who knows. There's still a fair way to go. I'd like to be doing a job that satisfied my creative urges as well as paying the rent. I'd prefer it if I had housemates that didn't complain 24/7. But in the grand scheme of things, those are pretty minor issues. I'm at the stage now where I can be thankful for getting through the past year, rather than using it as an excuse for everything.

So this is me. I've no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing this time next year. Stay in contact, if you want, cause I'm not sure there's much point keeping a blog about being away from home when that's where I am now.

Wow

2009-06-02T23:58:00.002+01:00

In a little over a week, everything has changed. Anyone who knows me will know how I don't like counting chickens. But anyone who knows me will also know how you need to hear the whole story.

So. I met a girl at Dot to Dot, a week ago last Saturday. We had a bit of a chat and swapped numbers. We had a drink on the Tuesday and one thing led to another. She lives in Cardiff but works in Bristol and is in the process of moving across. I don't know what I was expecting on Tuesday night but it went infinitely better than I had expected, which led to Thursday night. I cooked, she was impressed.

So, yeah. After work on Saturday I caught the train over to Cardiff. She cooked, I was impressed. On Sunday we soaked up some uncharacteristic British sun and, while enjoying ice creams next to the lake, were shat on by the same bird. Good luck, apparently.

Without spilling all the beans, she's pretty much amazing. She's a year older than me, works in radio advertising and is doing a phD in contemporary literature. She likes her films and music and thinks Johnny Foreigner are a poor man's Los Campesinos!. She's coming back here tomorrow evening and it's going to be more of the same. I feel like I'm 15 again and it's awesome. That is all.

Missing out

2009-05-24T19:42:00.001+01:00

So in the past 10 days I've missed out on my mum's 50th and now I hear my brother's just got engaged. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on a fair bit, being so far away. Sigh.

Building bridges

2009-05-19T23:05:00.004+01:00

As you may know, a left quite a few ends untied when I got on that plane almost a year ago. A lot of things were going on and I wasn't in a great place to deal with it all.

If you've been reading my recent updates, you'll know that things have been going much better and for the first time, those problems really have seemed half a world away.

Or so I thought. As outlined in my resolutions for 2009, I've been making a real effort to be generous and hospitable and generally a more genuine person, thanks largely to the influence of one friend over here (who shall remain anonymous). Anyway, propelled by this urge to do the right thing, I thought it best to start building some bridges, burying hatchets and so on.

So here's my problem: I was fine. It took forever, but the time and distance was really starting to show. I was settling. I was over it. I'd moved on. But after a chance [internet] encounter with somebody yesterday, I decided I would extend the olive branch their way. Things can't be unsaid or undone and it's a big ask to trust someone after they've betrayed that trust once, twice, fifty times before... but I felt clearing the air was the right thing to do. Right? Not exactly. Not at all. Shot. Right. Down.

So now I don't really know how to feel. After that conversation I went and saw some friends and then did some shopping; unaffected, in the main. But it's creeping back into my thoughts now and I don't like it. I guess it bothers me because I still miss them. Not as much as it used to but it never completely goes away. But it's not a selfish thing. I'm sure my motive for reconciliation of some sort is not just me wanting to feel at ease with myself. It just comes naturally; I don't want to be on bad terms with anyone, not least someone I called my best friend for two or three years. Regardless of what happened.

So. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow and other thoughts will occupy my mind. I know this person well and I know how much of a front they put up. Not just sometimes; always. You have to dig for ages to get anywhere and leaving something to simmer for a while is far better than turning a blowtorch on it. So who knows. I don't want to expect anything and end up disappointed so I'll just leave it and hope it doesn't bug me.

Obligatory end-of-weekend post

2009-05-10T21:01:00.002+01:00

Alright, once again it's been a week since my last post and I feel an obligation to keep you updated.

As was the case last time, no news definitely means good news; I've rarely had the chance to sit down and catch my breath. After a Saturday night that ran into the latter stages of Sunday, work on bank holiday Monday wasn't a lot of fun... and it wasn't a great way to start the week, catching up on sleep for the rest of the week.

Anyway. A bit of momentum isn't a bad thing. When I finished work on Friday evening, the prospect of a planless weekend really irked me, so I went home and organised a cheap coach ticket to London for Stef's BBQ on Saturday. Beer, meat and novelty animal hats were in abundance and a drunken singalong at the end of the night capped it off nicely.

This week won't be quite as rushed. On Wednesday I'll use my day off to get a few things done before hitting the Academy later on for a long-overdue dose of The Panics. Amazingly enough, my friend Cath from Edinburgh (now living in Reading) came online today to let me know she'd be in Bristol for a gig on Wednesday night. 2+2=4.

Next weekend? Well, that's the one-in-four, so I'm working the Saturday and Sunday. Not cool. But a week later I have the whole bank holiday weekend off... which means I can enjoy Dot to Dot properly. And with a bit of luck, I might have a guest or two for the occasion.

Finally, I thought it should be documented that I have a bit of a crush at the moment. I can't remember the last time I had a proper one; there's been the odd female who's caught my eye once in a while but that's about it. I'm being a bit cautious at the moment and might sit on it for a bit but saying that, I'm on a bit of a high right now simply because I noticed a girl and hope to one day take her out. Awwwwww, etc.

Anyway, that's me for now. More adventures this time next week, no doubt.

This blog's days are numbered

2009-05-04T18:28:00.003+01:00

In about six weeks it will have been a year since I left Perth. Okay, so I went back at Christmas, but the last time Perth was my home was June '08. That's quite a long time to be away from somewhere you've lived for 11-odd years.

From my recent posts you can probably already tell things have been picking up... but this past couple of weeks I think this place has just about become my adopted home. It has to be down to a few things: passing probation at work, watching a social life start to take shape, picking up a new hobby, not being behind on rent, bills and whatever every month... I'm starting to think it could yet work out for me.

I don't know how much point there is me keeping a blog these days. I still miss a lot of people and things in Perth but distance-related issues are rarely the first things through my head when I wake up each morning. While I know there are people still reading my updates, I can't remember the last time I got a comment on here (not am I bothered enough to check) and I don't really think I need to write about developments in my life all the time. So let's see how long this thing lasts.

How not to set decks up

2009-04-26T17:51:00.003+01:00

I think I've failed at just about every stage, so yay for me. I said I needed a hobby, and it's turned out that buying decks has kept me occupied for a good week or so. Forget about mixing records, why not just go out and buy them? That's just as fun, right?!

Anyway. I thought I'd do up a quick guide for how not to set yourself up as a DJ.

1. When responding to the advert, don't bother asking for any details. You know the brand name, the price and roughly where the guy lives. The other details definitely don't matter. Needs a new stylus? Needs two? Easy!

2. Don't bother planning ahead - you can figure out a way of getting them back to your place if and when you end up buying them. And if all else fails, you can just ring for a taxi. Yeah, even if you need to go from Montpelier to Southville via the centre of town during peak hour.

3. You don't need to worry about where they're going to go. Two decks and a mixer hardly take up any room at all - they can just slot in wherever!

4. You won't need any records before you buy turntables. They look awesome sat on your desk, next to your TV. Worry about using them later.

5. An amp? That's probably in the mixer or in the speakers or something. All decent sized speakers are preamped, right?

6. Buy speakers off a guy at work without being able to test them. Buy two sets when most amps and stereos can only handle two.

7. Buy the amp with a voltage so high it'll blow the AC adaptor for your mixer. Surge protectors are nothing but an excuse for Asda to charge more for powerboards. AC adaptors are cheap and easily replaceable and even if Chemical is the only place in Bristol that sells them, it's not that much of a walk!

8. Place the amp on the keyboard shelf. You know, the one it only just fits in, leaving it with virtually no ventilation. When it overheats and the sound distorts massively it won't take you long at all to locate the source of the problem.

9. Once you've left the amp to cool down and placed it in a location that's within range of your speaker cable yet still well ventilated, fire it all up and give her a test run. Regardless of the time. Playing records at 8am is a great way of introducing yourself to your neighbours. The best thing about living in a mid-terraced house is that you're realy close to two sets of neighbours; it's great for recommending each other new music, TV shows and ways to settle domestic disputes.

10. Give it a couple of hours and your neighbours and housemates will be in a much better mood, making it the perfect time to push your setup to its limits! They'll be as chuffed as you are when you mix that Right Here Right Now remix into Flamenco. Bonza!

Field of dreams

2009-04-23T21:33:00.004+01:00

This is the time of year I love. In a couple of months' time I'll be sat up at the Stone Circle at Glastonbury with an assortment of folk I've picked up on my travels over the past few years.

Anyone who knows me at all knows how much I love that farm in Somerset. If you haven't been, I've probably spent a fair few hours telling you how much you need to know and if you have been, you've probably sat drinking festival strength pear cider with me at 5am with some randoms we found while watching some band at some stage a day earlier.

Since it's done on such a low budget and all non-profit, the artist confirmations are never announced in a blaze of glory. It's all kept fairly low-key and you get all the news in a trickle over the first half of the year. So I apologise now for the constant state of excitement I'll be in between now and June 24.

But it's different this year. In 2004, my first time there, I was coming off a pretty miserable start to the year, having given up on uni (as well as just about everything else) and turned up on my own. A lot of you know where the story goes from here. The people I met were fantastic and showed me the best time of my life and if it wasn't for those five days in a muddy field, I have no idea where I'd be right now.

When I went back three years later, it was like going home. I knew a few more people, knew my way around the site a lot better and I think I can safely say that one's my favourite to date. By the end of Glastonbury 2007 I knew I was always going to end up back in England.

Last year's was a bit different. I had a lot on my plate, with the impending move and all the rest and sitting right in the middle of a non-stop run of three festivals, my time at Glasto was pretty much me trying to do much more than what my body was capable of.

This time, I'm the local. Since the shuttle buses go from Temple Meads, I have half a dozen (maybe more) people all haivng their tickets posted to my place and crashing at mine on the Tuesday night - before going in early on the Wednesday. I've benefitted so much from the hospitality of people I've met on my travels; this is my chance to pass that on.

Money money money

2009-04-21T19:37:00.004+01:00

How nice it is to have a bit of money. My pay for April was a fair bit above what I'd normally get, as our 10% payrise was backdated to the beginning of the year - to make up for the x%-of-zero-is-still-zero situation with our profit share.

On Friday I went and got the decks I talked about in my last post, and spent a bit of cash today on new stylii and records. I'm not far off a complete novice when it comes to mixing but I am enjoying my new hobby and look forward to getting some speakers so I can do it properly.

Another £20 of my pay went on a Paolo Nutini ticket - he's a Scottish singer-songwriter who's been kind enough to take The Panics around the UK as support. So that's $50-ish to see The Panics play for 30, maybe 45 minutes - stupid, possibly, but I do love The Panics an awful lot and haven't seen them play for quite a while.

I've also invested in a digital set-top box for my TV, as well as an antenna extension cord, so I can finally make use of the telly I've had since January. So that's 60 channels or whatever it is, all in my bedroom. On Sunday night I watched Rush Hour and then some of Dogma, then last night I fell asleep while watching T2: Judgement Day. Awesome.

The most recent thing I've purchased to date, though, was a 50th birthday present for my mum. I'll be picking it up sometime tomorrow but won't be able to post any pictures, as she's known to read this blog. It's a shame that I will have missed both my parents' half-century milestones, but the present is a pretty good one so that will hopefully make up for it. I have no idea how I'm going to get it over there in one piece though... we'll have to see.

Oh, I've finally got my arse into gear and got myself onto twitter. So now you can get more of an idea of how super my time at work is, plus there may also be mobile updates from gigs, festivals and raves (though that may not be the cleverest idea I've had).

DST

2009-04-15T20:32:00.003+01:00

So the nights are getting shorter and the days longer. Winter has been and gone and spring has reared its head. In case you missed it, the clocks went back/forward (depending on where you are) and the time difference between Bristol and Perth has come down from nine to seven hours.

Six months ago, when the clocks went the other way, I was pretty happy to have that extra two hours between us. Okay so the distance never changed but being a couple of extra hours behind made it feel further and disconnected me that bit more. And tough as it was not hearing from family and friends as frequently, I needed it.

That was then. Six month is half a year (no, really) so this feels like a fairly good point at which to take a step back and have a look at things. Compared to how I felt back in autumn (spring, for you in the southern hemisphere), I'm able to connect a bit more to what my family and friends in Perth are doing. Most of the things (and people) that made me want to leave seem distant now and while I'm not going to jump the gun and say I'm over it all, I've come far enough to look over my shoulder with a bit of confidence.

That's not to say I don't miss you. Since moving up here my social life has probably been worse off, which has made me miss you more. But at the same time I feel I can cope with the distance and the absence of friends much, much better. I'd still like to hear from you - but I'm not going to stress when the email never arrives.

Back to reality

2009-04-07T10:26:00.002+01:00

Lovely as it was to have a short holiday, I'm back in Bristol now and back to reality.

So, work. My probation review was yesterday and I'm glad to say I've (tentatively) passed it. I'll be under observation over the next month or two but for the time being, I've still got a job. I'm getting along with my teammates a lot better and, believe it or not, it's much easier to perform when there's less pressure on you.

Social life? Still a work in progress. We've had a few work things lately, which has been nice, and I've met up with a few people from random nights out recently. I've got plenty of gigs coming up (High Contrast, M83, The Panics, Graham Coxon, The Hold Steady) but I'm put off going to half these things by the fact I'll probably have to fly solo. Then again, I was like that four or five years ago in Perth and that changed very quickly.

The photos are still on their way - I'll post them as soon as I can add one of the tattoo without its scabby shell. That's probably a couple of days away.

London called

2009-04-04T20:17:00.005+01:00

I'm not going to try retelling the events of my six days in London. It can't be done. But here's a few highlights:

Getting lost at Fabric. Countless times.
A three-hour walk of shame on Saturday afternoon.
Messy scenes at the bagel shop on Sunday night.
Dragging myself out of bed on Saturday evening and carrying the last of Mike's belongings across Walthamstow.
All-day breakfast with Dani on Thursday.
Finding a miniature cricket bat while looking for pints in a bush.
Attempting (and succeeding!) to find the underground bar in Shepherd's Bush.
Angry taxi drivers and the faces they pulled outside Fabric.
Attending the Stop the War G20 rally at Trafalgar Square.
The armful of fliers I'd amassed by around 5am on Saturday.
Late-night channel hopping with Jack Johnson.
Banana toss.
Arriving at Stef's place in my lion persona.
Acquiring three bread crates in Acton. Discarding the two that weren't up to our standards.
Taking one person's house off the market and putting their neighbour's on.
Late nights at Stef's with Goldeneye and Mario Kart on N64.
Celebrating my half-birthday on Stef's birthday (!!) for the first time. Doing so while wearing stupid hats.
Getting inked (again).

I'll add some photos when I've got a spare second - watch this space.

Long time no see

2009-03-25T20:42:00.003Z

It's been more than a week since my last post so I'd say I'm overdue for an update.

Work is work. My stats have improved a lot since the start of the month, which is definitely something good to take into my probation review (early next month). Compared to this time last month, I'm much, MUCH more confident I'll have a job after April 13. But we'll have to see.

So apart from tomorrow and Friday, that's it for work this month - as soon as I finish for the weekend I'm heading across to London for a few (six, to be precise) days there. There's a few nights out to be had and about half a dozen people I need to see, so I'll get a nice break from the norm.

So, the social life. I think I might have just about developed something resembling one of those. Over the past seven days I've been out I think six times, which is probably some kind of record for me. On this side of the globe, at least. I haven't exactly been raging 24/7 - most of the time it's just been a drink or two after work - but it's made life a lot more enjoyable. Thinking on it, though, there's been quite a few random adventures in there - one time I ended up buying a ridiculous lion hat (my face comes out where its mouth would be), another time we were stuck with a crazy Irish drunk who wanted us to get in a taxi and go back to his town "for the craic" and after work on Monday I walked home with a piece of artwork I found in the street.

Things in the house have improved a lot - I'm finding it a lot easier to live here now we have the TV connected, the doors shutting properly and the floorboards fixed in place. Funny, that. And now I've got a bit more in my bank account, I've also started feathering my nest with a few DVDs (I left the bulk of my collection in Perth)... and a DVD player as well. Finally - the TV had been sitting here since I moved in but didn't use it until last week. It's not quite the setup I had in my room at 5 Royce Grove (during quiet bits you can hear the constant ringing in the background) but it's mine, I worked hard for these things and I appreciate what I have a lot more.

So, that's about all for now. I've got a million other things to be doing, and that's before 8pm Friday. I'll no doubt be back in about a week's time with a few stories up my sleeve, so until then...

The view from the afternoon

2009-03-16T18:02:00.003Z

Every now and then, when things are getting on top of me, I come across something that grabs my attention - maybe for a second, maybe for a minute or maybe all day - and makes all the troubles of the world seem a thousand miles away.

Today it was this:

That's all for now.

Stick-on stars

2009-03-14T10:35:00.004Z

Okay, since my last post things have improved just a little. I had my March review at work yesterday, and right now I'm a fair bit more confident I'll have a job this time next month.

Of the two main bands we're selling at the moment, I'm doing very well on Natwest but am a fair bit off the pace on Tesco's. I need my Tesco conversion to improve between now and the end of the month and I think I'll make it through. There's still a few issues though. Do I enjoy my job? I'm going to put that question to one side for a few more weeks because no, I don't enjoy it, but I suspect it will improve massively once I've got that job security that hopefully comes on April 13. The other one is our shifts - the whole idea of routine goes out the window around the same time, as they've had to reshuffle everyone's hours. But can I complain? A job is a job, no?

Okay so onto a few other things. I've bought a map of the world and stuck it up on my wall. I bought a pack of stick-on stars as well, and have started sticking them on places I have friends. If you want a star, please ask.

I'm still a bit bummed out over my whole lack of social life. I'm spending my spare time downloading and watching TV shows, mainly Skins, which is pretty lame. No, Skins isn't pretty lame; the fact I spend so much time watching TV on my computer is lame. I should be going out, meeting people and that sort of thing but with no money, hardly any friends and mega anxiety issues, it isn't so easy.

Alright, so I've about ran out of things to talk about. I'm not sure anyone bothers reading this anymore, anyway. I'm only really doing this for me. Perhaps when I've got people I can talk to over here I won't need to confide in the WWW anymore. Perhaps.

Is this it?

2009-03-09T21:05:00.003Z

There's barely been a moment over the past six months at which I haven't felt as though I was on thin ice. I have very little to fall back on and if any one of countless things goes wrong, I am screwed.

So, my job. That's the main one. I'm on an action contract and have my probation review in about a month. Since my last review, my sales on one brand are going well but all the others are sitting well below target. I'm waiting to get my second monitor done and if I fail that, I'm toast. And even if/when I pass that, still have a nervous wait up until my March review.

I've already started planning for my possible redundancy. My CV is updated and I've uploaded it to all the job sites I can find. But what really doesn't help my confidence is the number of applications you see next to every job ad. There's quite a few people looking for work.

As you can probably guess, this sort of thing really hurts my performance at work. Every time I quote and fail to sell, it gets to me. About half an hour before the end of my shift today I found myself back at panic stations and wasn't sure if I could even answer the next call.

If I lose my job (I'll probably find it in the last place I'd think? Haha, funny) I have no income. With no income, I have to scour the dregs of what this town has to offer. I have a degree, FFS. Maybe a trade would've been a better idea after all.

These are the kinds of times when you need a lot of support. You know, friends and family and all that. Awesome, cause just about all of them are back in Australia or, at best, scattered across the UK and Europe. All I've really got in this town is my housemates, one or two workmates and a few numbers of people I've met once or twice around town. I've had a few people come and visit me since I came to England and don't get me wrong, that's been great, but there's no substitute for friends you can call on when you need them.

I know better than anyone how hard it is to move to a new town and settle in... and that's bad enough at the best of times. I imagine it'd be a lot harder without any money.

So, that's why I'm having trouble eating and sleeping. And when you strip it right back to the basics, my biggest fear is things getting to the point at which I have to go back to Perth. If you know me at all, you'll know I'd rather chuck myself down Clifton Gorge than go back there. I know things have improved to a degree since I moved here but that scenario feels more and more likely every day. I'm starting to realise how much of a gamble I took when I upped and left and how thin the ice really is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and eat a banana and stress myself to sleep.

The view up here

2009-03-02T23:42:00.002Z

Even though I've been pretty bored lately, the past few days have been fairly eventful.

At work on Wednesday I had my monthly review and even though I passed both my QMs for the month (a huge weight off my shoulders), the message wasn't a positive one. Possibly (possibly? Surely.) due to an almost total lack of coaching or feedback since I finished training at the end of November, my sales have been down. Yes, the market is a tough one at the moment but I am falling behind everyone else and that's not good form to take into my probation review (about six weeks away). I've consequently been action contracted, which means I can't screw up between now and then. Last night I updated my CV and put it on a bunch of employment websites.

Now I know this is only going to be counter-productive but the above has caused a fair bit of stress, which i only going to make me worse at work. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were actually fairly good for me, but that was February and we're now in March... I've got a tough task ahead of me and I can't afford any of the sleepless nights I was getting back in August and September. At least now I'm a lot closer to a lot more jobs and no longer rely on a friend that only ever wanted me out of her way.

So, let's put all that to one side. I'm sure we'll come back to it soon. The gig I was supposed to go to on Saturday night was cancelled, so I ended up going out with Yanny (Robby's man) and another of their friends to a 'gay-friendly' night on Queen Square, which turned out to be a bit of fun. Not my usual scene but it was a decent night all up. The hangover on Sunday wasn't great, though, and Spurs losing the Carling Cup final to Man United on penalties didn't help at all.

Today I went back to Brandon Hill just near Cabot Tower and sat there for a while, looking out over the city. It's really nice up there - the fresh air, the view... as I made my way up, I made sure I only looked up ahead of me right up until I reached the top. Turning around to that sort of view really is something special. I scribbled a few things down in my notebook, something I haven't done in a while. I've written, but never solely for me. I can see myself doing it again, especially once we get into spring.

You gotta love this city

2009-02-28T16:06:00.008Z

Sigh...

2009-02-27T10:00:00.002Z

The worst thing in the world

2009-02-25T23:31:00.001Z

It's bad enough when people hurt you, upset you or let you down. But the worst thing ever is when they somehow make you believe it's your fault. That is all.

This day last year

2009-02-23T22:46:00.002Z

It's been exactly one year since everything kicked off and that nasty downward spiral started. I guess you could argue that it started earlier than that, and you might be right. But f I had to pick a date from which everything got out of hand, it'd definitely be February 23, 2008.

Don't ask me for the full story. If I was going to tell you what happened, I would've done so already. I don't even know what I want to achieve in this here post... but I couldn't let today's date pass without taking some time to reflect.

A lot has changed, quite obviously. It'd probably be easier to list the things in my life that haven't changed than listing the things that have. I'm in a completely different line of work, go out to different places, have different friends, different habits and different goals. Oh, and I live in a different country.

Now while I'm still quite negative about a lot of the past 366 days (2008 was a leap year, duh) I am quite pleased at how it's turned out. I could be a lot worse off. Yeah, I've lost a fair few friends, quit a job in which I was finally starting to turn a few heads, am in a fair amount of debt and have 9109 miles between me and the next closest family member. But I've got a place to live, have a relatively decent job and get to go out once in a while. And have 9109 miles between me and everything that blew up on this day last year.

That's not to say it's not hard. I still miss my friends and do get fairly bored and lonely up here - and that extends to people in Highbridge as well as people in Perth. The best times I've had lately have been when I've had people come and visit me in the new place. But that's escapism, isn't it? It'll only happen every so often and I need to settle more in the place in which I've chosen to set up. And that will come in time, I hope. Will I sound really sad and pathetic if I end yet another entry with a request for emails, texts and chats? Yes? Okay, I won't bother.

Looking up?

2009-02-17T19:44:00.003Z

If the past week is anything to go by, 2009 might be alright after all.

Let's start with work. Since my post just six days ago, I've had two monitors back and two passes. So I can relax until March 1. And go back a week or two to when it was snowing heavily - guess who lived close enough to make it in on time every day. Yeah, me. I've also taken on a couple of extra duties - feedback rep and compliance rep. Small jobs that involve a bit of extra work, a few extra meetings and a bit of a spiel once in a while but it gets me involved where I'd otherwise tune out and wish the minutes away.

And my social life? Well. This weekend just gone I had a friend from Perth come over for a couple of big nights out. We did Hospitality at Thekla (the club on the barge I was talking about) and then on Saturday night we went to a rave at Motion skate park that wasn't nearly as good musically but led to us ending the night drinking tea back at some people's place, watching Mean Girls and then Dogtanian. Random, but it's nice to meet people in the area.

I'm cooking more and more and although I'm severely lacking in variety thus far, I am getting fairly good at doing a stir fry. I'm gradually filling my cupboards in the kitchen (rather than shopping for items required for that night's dish) and will soon be cooking for more than one (I'm not quite game to cook for others yet). My goal is to be able to cook next time I have someone to stay - with a bit of luck that will be Stef, in the next month or so.

I don't think there's a lot else to report. I haven't heard much from anyone back in Perth lately - probably because I've got a lot less time to go on the internet etc - but would love to hear from you. I still have the same email address, phone number etc.

Part of the weekend never dies

2009-02-16T14:48:00.001Z

Well, that was a pretty decent weekend. I'm not looking forward to work this week, though.

Working for the man

2009-02-11T11:01:00.003Z

I'm fed up. I don't know how much longer I'm able to stick with this job. The people in my team are decent enough and I have no trouble selling but I'm in constant fear of being monitored or audited and I can't deal with it.

Yes, it's a hole I've dug myself into. You see, it's a scripted job and if you don't follow the scripts closely enough, you won't have a job too much longer. If I'd been on the ball in December and January, I wouldn't have been so worried this month and would have been able to focus on other things (selling, obviously). With all the stuff going on through December and January it was hard to focus at work. No excuses, but that explains it.

Maybe I'm not right for the job. Some people have no trouble reading out whatever's on the page in front of them. I'm an analyst by nature, so I'll have a conversation with somebody and then provide them with a solution - something I spent two years perfecting at iiNet. But right now there aren't that many jobs going, so I have to be prepared to adapt. A bit of extra support would have been nice but all my boss can offer is "read your scripts". I need a Harry Redknapp approach and he's Juande Ramos.

Anyway. The reason I'm writing about this? It's stressing me out. It's keeping me up at night. I'm well aware of the predicament I'd face if I were to lose this job. I'm doing the best I can but since these things are done at random, I'm going to dwell on that one mistake I made rather than all the things I did right. And the pressure unsettles me even more, so it's vicious cycle.

I've just had a quick look on a few websites and there's not a lot of work going. I walk past a bunch of agencies on the way to work, so one day this week I might drop my CV off and see if I get any leads. I can only try. At the moment, I don't really do anything except work, so if I don't enjoy myself there then there isn't much point me being here. I've worked so hard to get to this point and set myself up here that I'd be mad to work myself even further into this rut.

Okay, now that's off my chest I think I'm about ready to go to work. Adios.

There's snow business like...

2009-02-06T20:46:00.005Z

Okay I'm typing this over the top of my last entry. It wasn't productive at all and I don't think it's healthy to be wallowing like that.

I'm going to Wales tomorrow to see my uncle, grandmother and cousin and it's going to be nice.

If I get time this evening I'll post some pictures of my fully furnished and [hopefully] tidied room. High Contrast, Friction and Andy C are at the Academy tonight but I'm being lame. That is all.

"Sheep shaggers, inbreds and slavery: we're famous for lots of things!"

2009-02-03T17:55:00.002Z

Alright, now blogspot has shrunk the image I just spent an hour making, so you may need to click it to have a proper look. Above is a rough guide (trip-hop fans please note the clever pun there) to Bristol. Well, Bristol as it is to me thus far.

1. My home.
2. The Tobacco Factory. An old, erm, tobacco factory, that's been converted into a swanky bar that hosts various displays and exhibitions of various forms of art.
3. Bristol City FC.
4. Parson Street train station, my closest. I hated this place before I even moved in and that's not about to change.
5. Clifton Bridge. I suppose I had to have at least one landmark on the map.
6. The O2 Academy (formerly Carling Academy). Most decent bands coming through here play the Academy.
7. Work.
8. Cabot Circus. The complete[ly overpriced] shopping experience.
9. Lakota. Hosts some decent events despite (or because of?) being so extremely grotty.
10. Queen Square. A nice big open area in the middle of what's known as the 'old city'. They've filmed a few Skins scenes here.
11. Thekla. It's a club on a barge. Hosts Hospitality events, need I say any more?
12. Asda. This one's a bit more of a walk but during the week it's open 24 hours. Awesome.
13. Temple Meads station. I'm glad I don't have to pass through this place every day anymore.
14. Ikea. No, I haven't been yet. Yes, I want to.

One day like this a year will see me right

2009-02-02T16:44:00.004Z

Today's entry was going to be a means of me venting my frustrations with the world. I was going to detail how upset and disappointed I was both with myself, with a certain somebody and with life in general.

I was going to gloss over the fact that moving on Saturday went well and left me feeling a great deal more settled before confusing you all with a rather abstract and non-specific retelling of an up-and-down Sunday.

That was before I looked outside:

A few months back I posted a quote from the closing moments of American Beauty on this here blog. I don't think those lines have ever been more relevant than they were today. How can you be hurt, angry or disappointed with the world on days like this?

I spent the next couple of hours walking around town soaking it up. On the iPod? Sigur Ros, Emancipator and Bon Iver. All fairly wintery records, I would say.

Awesome.

2009-01-30T00:12:00.002Z

The blame game

2009-01-29T11:06:00.002Z

One thing I've noticed lately is how easily I fall into the blame trap. Now while it took me all of 24 years to reach the point where I'd be happy to hold my hands up and say 'no excuses' (for cricket fans, that'd be the equivalent of Adam Gilchrist leaving the crease before being given out) I'll still always stick up for myself as long as I think I'm in the right.

And that's the problem. I'm told it's a Generation Y/Generation Why? thing - it's always someone else's fault. Maybe it's my generation, maybe it's just me. Does it matter?

At the moment, all the dramas that come with moving house and settling in (again) have made it all too easy to blame Alix. She played a big part in convincing me to come to England and then to live in Highbridge and then lost any desire to have a conversation with me as soon as Page moved in. And then exacerbating matters by cancelling the lease long before I was ready to move or could afford it. And then offering no support at all - practical or emotional - when trying to resettle. I could give you a thousand more reasons to blame her but I'll leave it there.

The thing that hurts most about all this is how it's yet another mess for me to either deal with or to turn my back on. Knowing me, I'll stick with the latter. Coming to England was supposed to be a new start, a chance to see how things might have turned out if I'd never moved away - at 9 or at 13 - and most of all, a chance to cut my losses with the people who'd let me down.

But it's just someone else to blame. It started when I was in my teens, when I had a lot of trouble settling. I blamed my family for moving around so much, which no doubt caused it all. In recent years I've learned to see the positive side of that - I'm never completely tied down to one place and rarely find a place in which I'm out of my element. But that blame is still there, more in a Rosebud kind of way (I'll be ashamed if any of you haven't seen Citizen Kane) - you always wonder what might have been. And now I'm finding out.

Then there's all the people in Perth I blame for two thousand and hate. Up until February, I was about the happiest I'd been. I was just about comfortable being in Perth and felt (shock horror) settled. And it's the people who took that feeling away that I've blamed ever since. Miko for being so careless, Leon for being spineless, Kate for being Kate. And then everyone else for not knowing how to react and, though not intentionally, making the situation a living hell. That's about the most I can explain that without running into essay territory.

So fairly easy to point the finger, if you take all that into account. I'm hoping this will fade away over the course of the year, as I start to settle in Bristol and do things on my own terms. I need to be more independent, and that means taking responsibility for things, regardless of whose fault it may or may not be.

Red letter day

2009-01-25T19:52:00.003Z

I think right now I am missing 'home' more than ever. There's a few reasons for this. The first, quite bizarrely, is that it's Australia Day tomorrow and Facebook is littered with Hottest 100 parties, messages about plans for the Skyworks and wall posts about Andy C at Metro's. Friends on the other side of the island are making plans for the Big Day Out, etc etc etc.

I never really cared about Australia Day when I lived there, so why now? The thought of everyone in Perth enjoying the best of what summer has to offer is no doubt playing its part. And it probably has a lot to do with how I've always felt more comfortable being in the minority - over here I'm seen as Australian and in Australia I've always been British.

It's hard to imagine that a year ago tonight, I was sat at 5 Royce Grove playing drinking games with Kate, Anthony, Gordon, Jess, Emiko, Pip and Liz and trying to convince Leon to come too, even though he'd just broken up with Jess. How things have changed. And the fact that tomorrow is a red letter day has made me spend a fair bit of time thinking about these things. I'll spare you the episode of 'Where are they now?' that would drop in so perfectly right now.

The other reason I'm missing Perth at the moment isn't to do with what time of year it is; it's me having moved up to Bristol. Let me explain. Things were far from settled in Highbridge, but up here I have even less people to help me feel at home. My housemates are decent enough and the people at work aren't bad either but just like Highbridge was no substitute for a family and large social network, a few friends and colleagues and two housemates doesn't really compare with the friends I had in Highbridge and Burnham. In short, these are lonely times and I miss my family and friends, regardless of where they are.

Perhaps my relationship with Perth now is a bit like how you feel about an ex-girlfriend when someone else becomes the ex. As soon as someone else takes that mantle, you're that bit more detatched from any hurt or disappointment resulting from the previous breakup. I went back to number two today to get some more of my things and yes, it was on a par with that first confrontation with a recent ex.

Nesting

2009-01-23T07:52:00.002Z

Despite me having an extra couple of hours to every working day now, I'm still finding it fairly hard to find the time to update this blog. Being busy is nice - it makes the time pass quicker.

A few thoughts based on my experiences over the past few days:

x "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" refers mainly to high speed internet and dishwashers.

x Shopping for homewares is plenty more satisfying when it's your own place you're furnishing.

x All mattresses are not the same.

x Not having a car may be environmentally friendly and it may be the cheaper option but it sucks balls when you need to move house.

x Somerset and Avon may sit side by side but I've already realised how little they have in common.

That's all for now. I'm going to go and walk to work now.

Day 1...

2009-01-20T19:12:00.002Z

Okay this can't be a long update cause I'm at the pub and have to operate within the constraints a finite laptop battery brings... until we get our stuff all sorted out, I have to use the interne at the pub. Oh, the hardship.

Anyway. I've been living at 259 Coronation Road for about 24 hours now and it's all going well. I'm living with a Spaniard and a Brazilan, and I only oved in a couple of days after them so we're all in the settling in stage together... so no more "I was here first" or "my name's on the lease" or whatever.

It's nice not spending half my day on the train, the other half on waiting for trains. Last week was really tough for me at work - I failed another QM - but I found somewhere to live so it must have been worth it.

I'll leave it there, before my battery runs out. I won't be online much for the next week or two so text me, if you can be arsed. I still miss you.

Home is where the heart is

2009-01-18T19:54:00.003Z

I think this weekend was the turning point I'd been waiting for. I'd just about hit rock bottom but instead of letting it get me down (I was going to sack the third viewing and get the next train home) I kept at it and things (kid of) fell into place.

Yeah, that's it, I've found somewhere to live. And yes, it was that third viewing. The one I wasn't going to bother with.

So this is the start of it all. 2009 is gonna be a good year.

What a day!

2009-01-18T09:13:00.002Z

Yesterday was supposed to be my day off. That's what I'd promised myself at the start of the week but after viewings after work on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I couldn't keep it up on Thursday and Friday so by Saturday I really had to get back on the horse.

So. Lots of ups and downs. Since I got paid on Friday, I decided to go up to Bristol early and buy one or two things (a pair of jeans and a shoulder bag, in case you were wondering). Yeah, I avoided the H&M on Union Street again.

From there I walked over to Easton to look at room number six (if you contain Tuesday's two strikeouts) and got just a little lost on the way. The place was decent, furnished, the people seemed alright and the location was just about right for the city, for Gloucester Road and Ikea. It's available from the 25th, which would give me a bit of overlap, so a chance to move all my things up without too much rush.

That was at about 5.30. Straight back across to the city centre for my 6pm viewing - we'll call this number seven. This one was a top floor three bedroom flat within spitting ditance of the bus station. The rent would be higher than all the others plus I'd need to buy a bed, but you generally do get what you pay for, right?

While I was viewing number seven, I got a text about number eight. I could view the place at 7pm, if I wanted. I said yes. Like two, three and four, it's in Southville, which is easily walkable from the centre but it's across the river so it's a bit quieter and more liveable. At this point I was exhausted and wasn't up for shaking any more hands, pretending to mark things off a mental checklist and feigning interest in what the other occupants do for a living. Upon exiting number six, the heavens opened and within seconds I was drenched. Awesome.

According the the clock on my phone, the walk down to number seven only took 25 minutes. It felt a lot longer than that. At approximately 84 points during that walk, I considered sacking it and getting the train home, having a hot bath and getting into bed. But no, the more I view, the more chance I have of finding somewhere. Cast your bread upon the water, etc. Even as I was walking through the door, I'd already decided it wasn't gonna happen. But by the time I left, I'd somehow gone from 'unenthused' to 'this could well be it'. I'd be sharing with a Spaniard and a Brazilian and they're looking for someone to move in as soon as possible so everyone's on the same level, rather than it being their house plus a lodger. Which suits me perfectly.

So with number one a definite no and the two strikeouts, I have five irons in the fire with two more viewings on Monday and one on Tuesday evening. I should be hearing back about numbers six and eight sometime today, while my chances for number five (my biggest hope up until yesterday) fade more with every day I don't hear back. A friend of the existing housemates was given first refusal on it and it's mine only if he doesn't take it.

So that's where my update would have ended. But if you've read any of my previous entries you'd know my life is never that simple. About to go through the gates at the station, I realised my brand new £50 weekly rail pass had disappeared from my wallet or pocket. Despite the lady at the ticket office's assurance that I had 10 minutes until my train, the three minutes it took me to buy another ticket and walk to the platform was somehow long enough for me to miss it. Just what I needed: an hour's wait for the next train at a cold and windy Temple Meads and even then I'd still have 45 minutes' travel ahead of me. Outlook: pretty bleak.

Walking down the steps, away from the platform, I noticed a couple of people rushing for the platform and kindly informed them not to waste their effort. The first guy kept going anyway. The second person stopped me to ask if I knew when the next train was. She was going back to Weston after a job interview up in Glasgow. We exchanged 'worst day of my life' stories and, since we had such a long wait ahead of us, sat down at the (closed) cafe/bar and moved on from 'worst day of my life' stories to life stories.

When she got off the train an hour and a half later, I don't think any stone was left unturned. She knew all about my time in Perth, why I left, why I was in Bristol; and I'd heard all about how this job up in Glasgow was a result of turning 25 and being confused and dissatisfied with where she was. I haven't had a conversation like that since... well, I can't remember ever dumping my entire (metaphorical) load on someone and them being so willing to take it all in. I have no idea what happens next - she suggested we swap numbers and maybe go for a drink - nonetheless, I am as chuffed as one could be that a chance encounter had turned out so well.

Three down, who knows how many to go...

2009-01-15T09:53:00.002Z

This week has quite possibly been the most draining of my life. It's Thursday morning now, and apart from my day off on Sunday, I've been on the house hunt every evening.

After Saturday's viewing, I had one on Monday that seemed to go fairly well, though I'm not sure the place is right for me. Well, it's somewhere to live and it's in Bristol, so it meets the criteria. But I don't know how well I'd fit in, as the other housemates are a bit older and the only real conversation I had was with the housemate whose room I'd be taking.

Tuesday night was by far my worst experience on the trail so far. I had two viewings scheduled, one for 8.30 and one at 9. I got a text about the 9 o'clock about two hours ahead of time, saying the room had been offered to someone else that morning. Cruel. But then I guess I wouldn't want to live with someone who'd treat a prospective housemate like that. My 8.30 was more hopeful anyway. So at 8.25 I give the girl a call to say I'm running a few minutes late. "Oh, Michael,"she answered. "I tried to call you earlier." You can probably guess what followed. I missed the 2100 from Parson Street station (yes, I got lost and cut my feet up even more than I had on my way to Monday night's viewing) and had to wait 40 minutes in the cold.

So two viewings, two strikeouts. I wasn't going to respond to the ad for the place on Whiteladies road. I thought four viewings for the week was ambitious enough. This was on Tuesday afternoon, before I'd been shat on. But I fired off a quick email anyway and received a call back really quickly. I made my way up there after work last night (about a 30 minute walk) and, not counting any chickens or anything, I reckon this is the one. It's a five bedroom house sharing with four other guys... I guess the best way to describe it is a student house, regardless of whether or not any of them are students. I had a decent chat with them all and ended up staying more than two hours. Yes, one of them's a Gunner and another is a Man U fan but you have to make concessions in life... Getting home was a bit of a trek (rail replacement coach services are horrible... unless you want to get home at 1.30am.

Anyway, the girl arranging it all said she'd give me a call sometime today to let me know how I went. I'm crossing every one of my fingers and toes and, even though I am absolutely shattered, I am pretty upbeat right now.

Hunting houses

2009-01-11T19:20:00.002Z

So after a couple of days off I'm right back into the thick of it. Work work work and then looking for somewhere to live in my free time.

It's tough work. It was hard enough before my holiday, getting a good night's sleep and getting in and out of Bristol every day either side of a full day's work. That doesn't leave a lot of time for househunting... but right now I don't really have a choice.

I looked at one place out in Horfield after work yesterday and it seemed pretty decent. It's about 20 minutes from work on the bus and the people there are sound and good for conversation. They have a few more people to see, though, and if I come up trumps then I'll have to pass reference and credit checks. Now that's a really big worry for me - I don't think I've been working and earning long enough to have a good credit rating, so I might be wasting my time on this one.

On Tuesday night I'm looking at two rooms, both in Southville, and both in houses full of girls. They're very, very close together so I've been able to arrange a viewing of the first at 8.30 and the second at 9, and will have to dash to make the 2155 train. It's a hard life.

I have to admit, all the effort I've had to put into all this is making me all the more bitter. I've had no support, be it practical or emotional, from someone who's supposed to be one of my best friends since she and Page got together. Now I know I need to get on and do things for myself but right now I've got a massive task on my plate and it's hard to stay positive when I feel so badly let down.

With a bit of luck and perhaps some of my sales 'expertise', I will hopefully be a bit closer to having a home... preferably a little closer to the city. Watch this space.

[2009] in lists

2009-01-08T12:38:00.004Z

So now yesterday has been and gone (and good riddance to it), my head is slightly clearer to note down a few resolutions. Of course, it has to come in the form of a top five list (wassup, Rob Gordon) and there'll probably be seven relevant resolutions... but you have to employ a bit of selective ignorance if you want that warm feeling that comes when pop culture references reflect your personal life perfectly.

Alright, preface down, five resolutions to go.

ONE!

Move into the city. You know about this one so I'll move right along.

TWO!

Watch my health. The main thing I have to watch is my eating habits. When I got back to Perth a few people commented on my having lost weight, which is a worry when I only usually weigh between 55 and 60kg. Cooking more regularly will help, as will having more free time and money. Exercise is another thing I have to get onto, and again, I'll be able to join a gym, play football or whatever when I'm not spending half my day on a train.

THREE!

Be hospitable. I've thought about this one quite a lot recently and when you consider the number of times I've crashed with randoms or called on favours from people I'd only met once or twice before, I've been pretty blessed. So when someone I know - however flimsy the contact is - is in the area, I'm gonna make sure my door's open.

FOUR!

Let go. Yeah, that's a hard one. But I have no immediate plans to return to Perth, and realistically it will be two years, maybe more before I'm back. And that's more than ample opportunity to get on and get away from all the negatives back in Perth.

FIVE! FIVE! FIVE! FIVE! FIVE!

Be a bit more guarded about who I trust and how much. Yesterday's drama highlighted the fact I've put a lot of trust in someone who's not been nearly so willing to look out for me. I'm not going to harp on about being independent, cause sticking to yourself too much is a pretty sad existence. But at the same time I have to watch who I trust and not put so many of my eggs in so few baskets. A bit more independence wouldn't be a bad idea, but this is a much higher priority for me right now.

So there you go. Five resolutions. They aren't my only five - like I said, selective ignorance. I might add some more later (I probably won't). We'll see.

Leaving home (life was never good to me)

2009-01-07T17:37:00.002Z

I was all set to make my next post a list of resolutions for 2009. I was going to put a couple of logistical ones at the top of the list and ease you into it before moving onto the heavier stuff; the stuff I probably shouldn't be putting out on the internet.

That was an hour ago.

Since I began sketching those points out in my mind, Alix has informed me that she has terminated our lease, effective early February. So I have four weeks in which to find somewhere to live.

So I guess what I'm going to do now is talk about a couple of logistical issues before moving onto the heavier stuff; the stuff I probably shouldn't be putting out on the internet.

In the past hour, I've hit Gumtree Bristol and responded to a few listings. I've heard back from two of them already and Wallis has heard word from a couple of others already who might be in need of a housemate. So I don't I'll have a lot of trouble finding somewhere to live before the end of the month. But that isn't the main issue here.

I'd not even been back in the house 24 hours when she sprung this on me. It's bad enough she hasn't attempted a conversation with me since she got together with Page. But worse still, the only times she'll ever say anything to me are when something needs doing: rubbish out, bathroom cleaning, whatever, etc, whatever, you can't live here anymore. It's as though I only come back here to sleep each night... and it's bleeding obvious I didn't move to Highbridge for its convenient location. This is about how friends treat friends. I can only remember being let down this badly once before. And we don't talk about Kate anymore, do we?

So what happens now? I follow up a few of these leads and we see where I end up living. My top resolution for 2009 was to move into the centre, so it looks as though that one will be sorted a lot sooner than I thought. But one of the other big ones was to take a bit of time to think about who I relied on and who I could trust... and the more I dwell on that topic the more I worry.

Since I started this entry I got a call back about one of the rooms I enquired about. I'm going to have a look at the place after work on Saturday. Everything sounds good so far - they have pet rats but the two housemates both DJ and don't want someone who's going to move in and stay in their room all the time. And presumably they don't want someone who's only going to cook for themselves. Oh, and it turns out the girl I spoke to is working for RBS insurance at the moment. So if all goes to plan, I'll be living out in Horfield in a few weeks' time. Watch this space.

Leaving. Again.

2009-01-07T10:36:00.003Z

It was never going to be great for the whole two weeks. There was always going to be an awkward moment or two, a confrontation, or something I'd rather have left alone.

Let's rewind just a little. New Year's Eve and Day were great. The tunes were good, I saw just about everyone I wanted to see and most of all, I was glad to see the back of two thousand and hate.

So where did it all go wrong? Southbound, pretty much. Again, there were plenty of people I wanted to see but this time there were also plenty of people I really, really didn't want to see. And again, the plan was to keep myself busy - too busy to run into any dramas. To start off with, all the people I thought weren't camping this year were indeed camping. Awesome. Then you consider the fact everyone I was camped with was there on press duties (I miss it...) leaving our patch pretty much deserted for most of the weekend.

Now this next part I both couldn't see coming but wouldn't have bet against it either. I won't mention any names (some of you may know or may have guessed) but a girl featured quite prominently on that Friday afternoon and evening. And all that was nice, up until the next day when it got nastily awkward (I didn't think it needed to be; she seemed to think otherwise). So cut to the Saturday and all my neighbours are off taking photos and whatnot and I'm stuck on my own, one phone out of battery, another out of credit,terrified of running into certain people.

I ended up leaving early.

When you put it all in perspective, this shouldn't really be such a big deal. The main issue, though, is that I wanted to leave on a positive note this time. But by the time Monday morning rolled around I couldn't have been happier to leave.

So what now? Leaving Perth a second time and with no plans to return any time soon, it feels much more permanent. I brought back a lot more of my things and took care of one or two things - closing my Australian bank account for one - to tie up some loose ends. If it really is two or three years before I'm back, there are lots of people I'll probably never see or speak to again; some for better, some for worse.

I'll post more on this topic later. There's plenty going through my head right now and I have a lot still to say... but right now it's freezing cold and I could do with getting some soup in me.

So far so good

2008-12-29T01:00:00.003Z

I've been back a week now, so I think I'm a little overdue for an update.

It's weird how quickly things change. Being back here is actually quite nice. I know, it's mainly because it's a very temporary thing and most of my usual concerns are quite literally half the world away. But I do quite like it.

The past seven days has been a neverending stream of festivities, catchups and reacquaintances. Some have been planned, some have been completely coincidental. All (so far) have been decent. The first few days it was just me around the house with the family in the leadup to Christmas. And I tell you what, Christmas itself was the best I can remember for quite a while.

Boxing Day and the 27th were spent in a booze-fuelled haze, watching the cricket, going to the football and assorted other activities... again: quality. And pretty much from here on in it's just a series of coffees, lunches and beach trips before New Year's Eve and then Southbound. No rest for the wicked, etc.

One thing that's surprised me is the people I've ended up hanging out with. With some of them, it was a given I'd be spending a fair bit of time with them. But some of the others are people I didn't see particularly much back when I lived here and wasn't necessarily that close with. But after all the other events of 2008, being able to take exactly what I want back from Perth, however disjointed, is something I need. And the longer it is between visits, more and more people are bound to drift out of contact... so I'm not going to waste any time now pissing in the wind, if you know what I mean.

I'll leave it there for now. I have people to see, things to do and all of that.

I'm on my way

2008-12-20T19:35:00.002Z

Okay right so I'm at Heathrow waiting to board. I got here with plenty of time to spare so perfect opportunity to put some words together.

I'm not quite sure what it's going to be like in 22 hours' time, when I touch down in Perth. I'm looking forward to being at home for Christmas more than ever before, but I'm still a little nervous about being back.

Now as usual, I'm going against the grain of logic with this one. Anyone I don't want to confront, I don't have to see, do I? I only have 14 days and just about every waking second of that fortnight is spoken for already. I think what has the biggest effect is the symbolism: returning home, tying up loose ends, etc, etc, etc. I know my departure was planned early in the year and most of you knew about it but despite that, I still feel as though it was rushed. And I'm thinking that maybe when I leave on January 5 I'll be taking care of unfinished business.

I think that's what's going on. I'd really like to just enjoy a couple of weeks away from work, away from the awkwardness at home and spend some time with family and friends. I've been away for just over six months now - my previous record was 10 weeks, so this is totall unchartered territory here. We'll see how it goes.

A few things

2008-12-19T08:29:00.003Z

A few thoughts from over the last week or so:

It was nice having a couple of guests come across last weekend. We had a pretty epic weekend and I wouldn't change any of it.

I met a girl on Saturday night, which was pretty awesome. She was very forward, which was also pretty awesome. Not awesome was a couple of days later when she messaged me saying she was not really up for it. Even worse, she works in the H&M right behind my work, so awkwardness central. Oh well, it was nice to pull for once and trying to stumble back to our hotel after club chuckout was a bit of a task.

Security at the Bristol Academy are dicks. Considering the amount of drinks we'd done before we arrived, I might also add that we were also dicks.

Having money is awesome. I'm spending most of it on other people at the moment but my first proper payday in six months was more anticipated down this way than Chinese Democracy.

I still haven't seen Stef yet. Something always comes up and it's starting to get me down. Maybe in the new year.

I fly tomorrow. Today it's six months since I touched down in Europe. A couple of fairly daunting little nuggets for you there. I'm mostly excited, as there's a lot I've been missing about Perth and home life. But at the same time I'm a little concerned about a few things. This will probably be my last time in Perth for a couple of years... so it really will be me tying up loose ends. I have to make a few decisions, about what to bring back with me in the new year and what to leave behind. Take whatever metaphors you will from that last statement.

Banksy's Bristol

2008-12-14T17:36:00.003Z

If you know anything about stencil artwork, you'll be aware that the man known as Banksy is second to none. While a lot of his work has since been covered up, every now and then you come across one of his designs.

Here are my latest discoveries:

That's all for now. I'm knackered.

We gotta get outta this place

2008-12-08T18:22:00.003Z

Over the past three days I've reacquainted myself with every one of the reasons I decided I'd need to move into the city as soon as possible.

I might not be the easiest person to live with when I'm in a mood but I think I've got more than enough excuses this time. With every second that passes, I feel more and more like a stranger or an intruder in my own home. Couples are couples and lovestruck 20-somethings will behave strangely when they're in the early stages of a relationship but that's no reason to do all your nesting in someone else's home.

Last night they put the tree up without so much as a word to me. Not that I was particularly eager to do it... but I'd appreciate it if I wasn't treated like a lodger. I pay rent here (cough) and it's really, really hurtful when I have to sit in my room while all of this goes on. And the tree is just one example of many.

I think the thing that cuts most is the ignorance with which a certain someone is dumping on me. If you were that happy in your cozy little bubble, would you notice when you shut others out? I doubt it.

I realise these are fairly risky words to write... but then again, hardly anyone reads me anymore so I don't have a lot to be worried about.

Moving into Brizzle will save me a lot of time and money, that's quite obvious. I think I'd be willing to stay here in Highbridge a lot longer if I didn't have all this stuff going on, though. I want to live somewhere I don't have to retreat to my room as soon as I got home, prepare my own tea, get myself everywhere, etc etc.

Maybe I should revise that resolution to "don't rely on others". Thicker skin, Michael! I've been surrounded by family all my life and I guess the main issue here is emotional independence. I can't rely on coming back here after work and having someone to talk to, someone to have dinner with or whatever. Now that's probably better for a year-long resolution - moving out won't be too hard once I can afford it; learning to rely on others less is something that's best worked on over a year, maybe more.

We build this city on rock and... slavery?

2008-12-07T15:33:00.003Z

Okay, for something a little different, one or two facts about the city in which I'm spending most of my waking hours.

Bristol's massive growth in the 18th century was largely due to the slave trade. No slaves were traded there but the city's shipbuilding industry helped displace countless generations of Africans. Awesome.

Clifton Bridge, over the Avon Gorge in the city's west, was the world's first suspension bridge. To the north of Bristol is the Severn Bridge, linking England and Wales. The two bridges are infamous for the amount of people to have jumped off.

John Wesley's New Room, the world's first Methodist chapel, still stands in the centre of town.

In the 2001 census, Bristol came in as the 10th most populous city in Britain, and the eighth largest in England.

Bristol is in the county known as Avon, which isn't really a county. It borders Gloucestershire and Somerset. Bristol International Airport is in Somerset.

Concorde spends its retirement at Filton Airfield, in the city's northeast.

The legendary graffiti artist known as Banksy is a Bristol native. Most of his stuff has since been covered up but if you keep your eyes peeled, you'll notice some of his work around town.

Bristol's second football team (after City, of course) is Bristol Rovers. The only interesting things about Rovers are all facts concerning their club nicknames. They were initially called the Black Arabs, but changed their name to try to attract more fans. Their official nickname these days is The Pirates, due to the city's seafaring heritage, but most Bristolians also refer to them as The Gas, because of the smell of gas at their previous stadium (it was next to the gasworks).

A proper update

2008-12-03T22:21:00.004Z

Alright, so time for a proper update. I'm not sure how many people still read these musings but I'll continue to write on anyway, partly because I need to write and partly because someone might actually be hanging on for an update.

So. Work. I'm out of academy now (of the nine in our group, only five moved up at the end of last week) so I'm out on the floor doing what I was employed to do. Now that's a good and a bad thing. On the one hand, you're left to your own devices and the time passes much more quickly than it did during training and academy. But at the same time, there are far, far less concessions for being new. So, pressure. I'm selling better than anyone else on the team - I've only failed to sell one policy in 11 quotes so far this week - but when it comes to quality monitoring, I'm far behind all the others.

When I don't have to do any work, work is actually quite decent now I'm out with my team. Okay, so I learned to appreciate just about everyone in my training group over the seven weeks, but I definitely prefer the range of people out on the sales floor. So no "I got pissed last weekend/I'm getting pissed this weekend" conversations? Less of them, anyway. There are more guys in this group, so the Monday morning dissections of the football results are something to look forward to, and just across from me there's a couple of girls who keep me entertained with some of the most random comments ever. And over the past couple of days they've set about converting a cardboard cutout of a sales rep from Ipswich into a slimmed-down Santa. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Socially? Well, after work on Friday I'm meeting up with Wallis and going to a pretty large d&b and dubstep night at Lakota, which is a bit different to the usual but something I'll be doing a lot more of once I'm living more centrally. Also this weekend, you may have gathered from my last post, Stef is coming across from London (well, Stevenage, Hertfordshire, to be precise) and we'll hopefully have a decent catchup - it's been two-and-a-half years since we last hung out, which is pretty insane when you think about it. On Tuesday night we're seeing the Levellers up at the Academy with Andy, and that will be my first gig gig since... Los Campesinos! about six weeks ago. And then? On Thursday week Eleonor comes to visit, taking in The Hold Steady on the Friday night and Andy C and Marky on the Saturday with Mike Seddon, who's just arrived in London as well. Catch all that? Didn't think so. Once all the visits are over, I have one week of work left before heading to the other hemisphere for the impending festivities.

One thing that's sure to feature on my list of resolutions for 2009 is how I use the three-day weekends I get every fortnight. The trade-off, of course, is those other weekends where I only get the Sunday off... but I have to make the most! I have plenty of friends and family to whom I owe visits, so once I have a bit of cash and time up my metaphorical sleeve I'll be able to make that up. Another good thing about being in the centre of Brizzle will be the ease with which I can get to places like London, Birmingham, Leeds and Manchester. Never a bad thing. Anyway. I'm starting to ramble, so I'll leave it there.

Oh yeah, one other thing:

2008-11-30T21:20:00.000Z

STEF IS COMING NEXT WEEKEND.

(That is all.)

Tour of duty

2008-11-30T16:01:00.004Z

So, my Yeovil visit turned out to be some sort of Tolkienesque quest in the end, thanks to First 'Great' Western and their superb coverage of Somerset's major public transport arteries on Saturdays and Sundays.

After starting off at Highbridge & Burnham station yesterday lunchtime, I made my way down to Taunton on the train and then took the 54 bus service through southern Somerset to Yeovil. The route home wasn't so simple. Since the 54 doesn't run on Sundays, I had to get a bus up to Glastonbury (coming up over the crest of the hill into full view of the tor while listening to the Levellers' The Boatman was pretty special) and then through Wells and on to Witchurch before arriving in Bristol. And it didn't stop there! There was a 50-minute wait at Temple Meads (I'm quickly learning to hate that place) before the 1410 to Taunton finally took me back to Highbridge.

I don't know how many miles that was overall. Quite a few, I'd imagine. But there's one thing I left out of my story just then. While waiting for the bus in Yeovil I saw some weird-looking raindrops falling from the sky. White, slightly solid raindrops. Suck it up, children: I got snowed on. And there's no doubt more to come.

Free stuff

2008-11-27T21:24:00.006Z

One of the few benefits of commuting into Bristol is that I'm passing through Temple Meads station in peak hour... when the promo girls and boys are out in force.

On Monday I had a "Gordon Brown is rubbish" flier pushed into my face by a young, fresh-faced tory kid. Once I realised what it was, I screwed it up and threw it back in his general direction.

But it's not all rubbish. Not at all. Here are my two favourites so far:

While the former is pretty self-explanatory, I have no idea about the latter. It came from a bag labelled 'OA call centre'. I don't know what OA is and why they have a call centre, but a gingerbread man-bear-thing is a nice touch, so thanks OA.

In other news: I've passed my two QMs at work and will be moving on to the sales floor on Monday. Since it's the last day all nine of us will be together, we're going out for drinks tomorrow after work, which could turn out alright. On Saturday I'm getting the train down to Taunton and then a bus over to Yeovil to catch up with Rachel, a friend of my older brother's from when we lived in Sherborne - I sometimes forget how close I now am to where we lived in 97 and 98. I haven't been back since, but I hear it hasn't changed much... so we'll see.

A month today...

2008-11-23T18:49:00.003Z

Exactly one month today I'll be back in Perth. A month isn't very long... neither is 14 days, which is how long I'll have to see and do all the things and people (maybe not in that order) that need to be seen and done.

At the moment I can't help but think it's a bit soon to be going back. I'm far from settled in over here and there are still some Perth-based issues I haven't had the time or emotional stamina to deal with. At the moment, it's only just starting to sink in that I'm in England indefinitely and that this isn't just another one of my trips - so I guess my biggest fear right now is veering off that path between December 22 and January 5.

I'm really hoping that won't be the case. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to catch up (albeit briefly) with everybody I want to see and enjoy a bit of a break from the routine I've got myself into here. My schedule for those two weeks is already pretty full. Off the top of my head:

December 23: James' birthday
December 24: Christmas Eve
December 25: Christmas Day
December 26: Boxing Day, Matt's party
December 27: Jamie Hynes' barbecue
December 31: New Year's Eve, Origin
January 1: New Year's Day, recovery
January 2-3: Southbound
January 4: Travel back up to Perth
January 5: Fly back to England

...which only really leaves December 28, 29 and 30. I've probably spoken to you already about catching up when I'm back but if I haven't, please get on my case.

Quality night out

2008-11-23T17:00:00.003Z

You know it's been a decent night out when you wake up to:

Michael one, Taunton nil.

My week in lists (part two)

2008-11-23T12:59:00.003Z

Now that I can afford to go out a bit more...

My week in lists (part one)

2008-11-22T06:55:00.003Z

As you can see, I've been spending my pay on all the essentials.

On the money trail

2008-11-19T17:39:00.003Z

What a difference a single credit to your bank account can make. After another day at work (well, this was a half-day) spent stressing about paying bills, eating, whatever, I took another £30 out on the card I'll soon be cutting up and got the pair of shoes I've so desperately needed for so long.

Home at 2pm, I had to rush to get to the Royal Mail depot (by bike, no less) before it closed at 3. THREE? I wish I got to finish work at 3. So I got to pick up the package of stuff I ordered from the Spurs online shop a few weeks back - a mug, an A5 notebook and...

Thanks, Daniel Levy, for assuming your club's supporters don't need somewhere to put their coins. This wallet is more poorly designed than Kevin Prince-Boateng's tattoos. Was Damien Comolli responsible for this as well? Or did Man United and/or Liverpool convince the coin compartment to join them rather than stay with Spurs. Whatever. The mug is cool.

So, on my return to number two, I checked my balance. YES. Seven weeks into the job, I finally see some beans. Apparently someone in payroll, HR or accounts screwed up big time and the different departments have all been getting fired up about it. To be fair, my team leader/s and local HR staff went into bat for me and hopefully someone's head will roll.

Anyway. I've been paid, so I need to get my cash out. My PIN still hasn't arrived so it's me and my passport, on yet another lovely date at a NatWest branch. The waiters there know us by name now. One problem. The sodding Highbridge branch shuts at 2pm on weekdays. TWO? I wish I got to finish work at 2. So back on the bike and over to Burnham. What sort of bank makes you wait seven weeks for your PIN and puts up with you carrying your passport in its place and then watches you cycle to the next town just to get your money. And they have the gall to advertise themselves as 'SatWest' due to their generous opening hours.

This is a pretty long-winded story, I'm sorry. I guess it reflects my experiences over the past few days. I'd just like to go to work, do an honest day's work and go home, safe in the knowledge that I'll be able to have a decent meal that night. I'm a bit sick of beans on toast at the minute.

So, I get my cash at the Burnham branch. Hallelujah. It's not some cruel kind of joke or torture (or both?). The carrot is no longer dangling from the stick.

Allow me to explain

2008-11-18T20:00:00.005Z

I guess I should explain my last post. And, as you'd have learned to expect from me by now, I'll avoid the use of specifics.

While I was rather disappointed not to have made it to Brighton at first, that seemed pretty irrelevant after I met a certain someone who had me wide-eyed pretty much non-stop. And that's including some of the more embarrassing and not-so-attractive moments of the weekend.

I don't like to talk about these things too much these days - over-analytical blog entries never did me any favours back in my livejournal days, and despite debate continually raging inside my head, I'm glad to have stopped broadcasting those internals over the wuh-wuh-wuh. After all, you never know who's reading what you put out (if there is anyone...) and, from past experience, that will more often than not get you into trouble.

But seriously. I can't think about anything else. It's not that anything in particular has happened, or will. It's more that it's been so long since I felt this kind spark that I'd almost forgotten what it felt like. And the feeling itself is something to be happy about, regardless of my chances and how impractical it would be. That said, I'm on the lookout for excuses to go back to London.

So, back to reality. And what a nasty crash that's been. I'm sleep-deprived, broke (and then some), slightly ill and far from happy with how things are going at home. While there's little I can do about the latter until the new year, a decent night's sleep isn't too much to ask, is it? My recent experiences beg to differ. But that's a tiny, tiny issue compared to the money thing. Allow me to explain:

I was offered my job on September 23, and asked to provide my bank details on October 7, which I did. Upon starting, on October 13, we were all told we'd be lucky if we'd be paid that month - payday being the 18th. And while one or two people got lucky, I was one of the ones who had to wait until November. So. Fast-forward to early morning on November 18 and my pay should have arrived in my account. I'm in all sorts of trouble - behind on the rent, my shoes barely staying on my feet and hardly enough money to eat - so payday really couldn't come soon enough. But is it in there? No. Nothing. Nada.

As soon as I get to work, I start chasing it up. After half a day sitting and listening to everyone else talking about what they were going to do with their grand-and-a-half or whatever they got (thanks for the tact guys, it was much appreciated!), I finally start getting somewhere. My details "didn't come up on the system". At this point I'm about ready to kill someone. A bit later, I'm told I'll get two-thirds of it as an emergency advance, or whatever they call it. I think I'm entitled to all of it, but whatever. I'll take what I can get. Supposedly it will be in my account by the end of the day. Add in the fact that I still don't have a valid PIN for my NatWest bank account (thanks for being awesome, guys - six weeks is a reasonable wait for cashcard access!), and I'm in even more hot water. Kindly enough, they let me out of work at 4.45 so I could make it into the branch to check whether it had gone in. One problem: the branches close at 4.30. Whose idea was it to have banks close before your average city worker finishes for the day? Sorry, I digress. I'll cut to the chase and bring you to the present. I've just logged into my account online and it's still looking very, very empty.

So where am I now? At home, eating a rather nasty microwave lasagna from Asda. By the time I get home from this job there's no time to [attempt to] cook and with virtually no money (I took £20 out on the credit card I'm supposed to have cut up) and I'm pretty sure that's got something to do with me being sick. Things around the house are still pretty tense, so my £300 rent and bills coming in so, so late won't do me any favours. I'd really, really, really like a break right now. Perhaps I got so much out of the weekend as it was such a massive contrast to the miserable time I've been having with everything else.

I should probably end this post with something a bit more positive... I was by far the top performer at work yesterday, converting 67% of my quotes on a day where the average was about 20%. I'm not normally one to push for sales and talk about targets and all that but it's nice to know you're doing okay. Stef arrives in less than a week and although she's gonna be down London way (an excuse, did I hear you say?!) it's a lot closer than it was when I was in Perth and she was in Melbourne. It's less than a month until Eleonor (Spain) and Mike (Perth, via London) are visiting Bristol for what is going to be a pretty mental weekend. And in just over a month I'll be getting on a plane bound for Perth - just in time to make it home for Christmas. And, despite such a rubbish run, I'm still grinning inside, ear to ear... and I'm certain you can guess why.

Books from boxes

2008-11-17T19:41:00.004Z

What do you do when you meet someone who ticks all the boxes?

I'm just about recovered from the seriously awesome that was A Weekend in the City. And that's even without making it to Brighton on the weekend.

I don't think it's really possible to summarise it all... and telling the story in full, though it wouldn't be a first, would keep you here all day. So let's just say it was one of those episodes you couldn't have made up, not in a million years. It involved 300 temporary tattoos, rooftop debauchery, a UK Big Brother "star", two turntables and no microphone.

All his suits are torn

2008-11-11T22:51:00.004Z

My shoes are so worn they barely stay on my feet. My wallet is falling apart. My laptop has this annoying blue line down the right-hand side of the screen. My phone appears to freeze every time I flip it open.

I have another week until payday and it can't come soon enough.

Until then, I have the special edition DC/DVD of We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed (Los Campesinos!) to keep me appeased.

The things that keep you awake at 1.24...

2008-11-10T00:48:00.003Z

I have to be up for work in a few hours but I'm finding it impossible to sleep.

In our first week on the phones we were assessed on random phone calls, with marks taken off 100 for each mistake we made. You need 90+ to pass and if you fail enough times, they let you go.

I've failed twice already. My main issue is a lack of focus. It's not that I'm not good enough to do this; I think I've sold more policies than anyone else so far and easily have the most call centre experience in the group. But after getting up before dawn, spending an hour on the train and then filling myself with caffeine to keep me awake until lunchtime, I start to make mistakes.

A few things have gone against me. A couple of the training staff have been off sick this past week and we've hardly had the support we needed. There's an odd number in the group, which, when we have to pair up, is usually me and, of the two tests I've failed, I would have passed the first had I been given all the right information and updates.

So why does this have me awake at 1.24am?

I'm happy to be back into a routine. Soon I will have been paid and my finances will be (relatively) in order, and the time is flying by. But despite that, I don't feel very secure in my job and the line between me holding my own over here and running into a dead end gets thinner every time I mess up.

It would help if I didn't feel rubbish at home. I know it's the contrast you get when you leave your family and an established network of friends behind but these past few months have been really tough... and recent awkwardness hasn't helped that at all. I've got a million and one things happening inside my head but most of the time I'm stuck without anyone to talk to. Yeah, there's plenty of people online who can listen (or read) but I can't remember the last time I had a real conversation about these things face to face and I often still wonder why I came to this town. Maybe that's why my head's never in the right place for work.

I'm trying to wrap this one up with a tidy closing paragraph. But that isn't going to happen tonight. I'm tired, stressed, lonely and quite honestly am terrified of making more mistakes. The only thing I can really do right now is have a good night's sleep and make sure I'm prepared for tomorrow. And I can't even do that.

Our house (in the middle of our street)

2008-11-09T20:07:00.007Z

Apparently my blog was lacking on the graphic front. So:

A blackboard, below which we can hang our keys. The message is about banana splits but I have no idea what that's in reference to.

The living room. What's on the TV? Sky Sports News, obviously.

A wall covered with pictures of people in fields at festivals. I'm in one or two of them...

According to the globe in our living room there are GIANT animals in Australia... taller than the state of Victoria, in fact.

To your left, we have a naked Jordan spread across an ironing board. I think this one belongs to Wallis...

That there is the start of a beer wall. And I'll stress the importance of the word 'start'. There's plenty of room left to fill.

Now the boys:girls ratio is 2:1 and 3:1 if you count Page, we're well on our way to getting rid of all the girly rubbish that used to cover every wall and surface. Obviously, we're not done yet.

Some spoilsport got rid of all the rude phrases we'd made and replaced them with sensitive, girly tripe. I have no idea who that was.

Up the stairs, here's my room. It's not huge, which works out well cause I don't have much stuff over here.

The view from my window isn't anything special either.

You're probably in one of the pics on here...

I've been pinning things up on here too. These tickets have been here a little longer than I would have liked, though.

I still have the blanket those nice Danish first aiders gave me...

And this is about as spectacular as my room gets. It's a lampshade.

OMG SCARY. Halloween stuff I got given at work.

The most annoying thing in the world: most of our lightswitches are behind the doors.

I couldn't not, could I?

Back downstairs, cause there's one thing you're all dying to see...

The rabbits! Honey (left) is a psycho hose beast and bounces off the walls whenever we let her out. Doofah (right) is fat and lazy and doesn't do much. Doofah is a Spurs fan too but Honey doesn't like football.

Photos?

2008-11-08T21:34:00.000Z

Apparently my blog needs photos. I'll sort that out tomorrow, okay?

Isn't it a bit sad?

2008-11-06T19:43:00.002Z

Isn't it a bit sad how we never talk anymore?

Outta sight/outta mind? Me being busy with work and hence no internet time? An extra two hours between us? All of the above, probably. It's understandable but that doesn't stop it being so lame.

On the off-chance you wanted to contact me, I'm still here.

Let's drive to Brighton on the weekend

2008-11-02T20:14:00.003Z

Okay right well there's quite a lot to go through here so forgive me if I gloss over a few things.

On Wednesday night Spurs pulled off one of the most amazing results I've witnessed in a football game. They were 4-2 down away to Arsenal with 89 minutes gone but somehow managed to claw it back to 4-4. It's just a game? Don't ever tell me that. Yesterday they went one better and beat Liverpool with a goal in the last minute. We might still be down the bottom but hey, we're the only team to have beaten the Scousers so far this year so I'm going to enjoy this run while it lasts.

And if that wasn't enough sport for you, Lewis Hamilton just about made my heart stop as he pinched the F1 drivers' championship on the final corner of the final race of the season. I've never been huge on Formula 1 but I love how this country almost shuts down when there's a major sporting event going on and it's hard not to get into it.

Anyway. Enough sport for now. The weekend was a fairly decent one. Aside from football on Friday night and a quick run to Asda on Saturday, I didn't leave the house. The detox comes to an end on Wednesday, so this was my last weekend sitting it out... but it's not as though I'll start going out every night after Wednesday - I still have to wait until payday (another two weeks) before I can do anything much.

That said, the weekend after next (November 14-16) is going to be epic. Straight after work on the Friday I'll be heading to Brighton to celebrate Clare's birthday - the train won't get me there until 11.30 but we'll be kicking on long into Saturday so I'm not too bothered about getting in so late. Sometime on the Saturday I'll get myself up to London in time for Dani, Emma and Josh's triple birthday bash. Awesome. But it gets better! Stef will have arrived in London by then, so if all goes to plan, I will be joining her or she will be joining me later on in the night. Bonza. All of a sudden, my social life doesn't look so lame.

I start taking real-life phone calls at work tomorrow, which should be interesting. I have plenty more experience on the phones than anyone else in the group but I haven't done it since March and I'm a little worried my voice isn't going to last. Let's see how this one goes.

Only the lonely

2008-10-29T18:50:00.002Z

I have to admit, despite the novelty of starting work and everything that comes with that, I've still been a bit lonely lately. I know that was to be expected, leaving my job, my home, my family, my car and my friends... but it still sucks.

After getting up at 6am and getting on a train sometime between 7 and 7.30, I work a full day before getting in either just before 6 or just before 7 - depending on whether I catch the 1653 to Taunton. Nine times out of 10 there's nobody at home when I get in, and half the time I've gone to bed before anyone else is home. If anyone else gets home.

I don't blame anyone for it. Alix seems to be happy with Page, and Luxton is... well, he's Luxton. He's always kept to himself anyway and often goes back up to Swansea when he's off work. But I do often wonder why I bothered with Somerset when I eat dinner by myself every day and sometimes don't speak to anyone in the 18 hours between leaving work one day and arriving there the next morning.

That's not to say I've not had any decent times. On Sunday night I was round at Charlie's for dinner with Chris, Blondie, Stacie and a few others. On Friday I'll be playing football indoors at King Alfred's again. But those things generally happen over the weekends, leaving the weeknights pretty dull, lifeless and occasionally a bit upsetting. I really need to move up into Bristol... there may not be as many familiar faces up there but there's plenty more things to see and do, while not having to travel so far will save me a lot of time and money - time and money I can put to better use elsewhere. Anyone want to share a place in central Bristol??

Soon it will be cold enough

2008-10-28T19:08:00.002Z

It is getting really, really cold in the mornings and evenings. It is almost November, I suppose.

At the moment there's a bit of a novelty to it. I went to H&M at lunch today (suck it up kids, I'll keep doing it because I can) and got myself two pairs of gloves and a very, very long [probably not 100%] woollen scarf and I'm not going to lie and say I didn't get a bit of a buzz doing so. It's 12 years since my last British winter and, while you'll no doubt call me mad for saying so, I've missed it.

So while I'm wrapping up warm, packing my iPod full of tracks by Icelandic artists and standing on the platform waiting for a train that might not come, it's hard not to get carried away with the romanticism and nostalgia. I know it won't last - it's bound to get a lot colder come the new year - but until I get sick of it, I'm gonna enjoy experiencing something completely different to anything Perth ever had to offer.

Daylight savings

2008-10-25T16:30:00.004+01:00

Anyone in Perth take note: the time difference will go from seven to nine hours after tonight. When you go one way, we go the other.

Anyway. The changes we're all making to the clocks tonight runs parallel with one or two other things. I feel as though the extra couple of hours between the time in Perth and the time in England represent me feeling that bit more removed from what's going on in my old home.

Believe it or not, there's a line in a Los Campesinos! track that's extremely poignant here: "the telegrams are more and more less details by the day and all the characters are different and the pubs have different names". With being so busy at work, I've had less time to think about things and when I do hear from people back in WA it feels like it really is 9109 miles away. I hate to say it, but when I think of Perth I'm not so sure what colour your hair or eyes are; exactly where the doors and windows were in that room or where I'd end up if I kept driving down that road.

A few seconds later there's another peach of a line: "absence makes the heart grow fonder, fonder makes the absence longer". I take from that something a little different to what you might - the further away you are physically from things, people and places, the easier it is to think of them in a positive light. And seeing things that way makes it feel like I've been away much, much longer.

Two months today it'll be Christmas Day and, as I said a while ago, I think a lot will have changed by then. I'm already starting to feel more at home here and while there are some major things to sort out (moving into the city, having a social life of my own...), I'm going to enjoy my two weeks back in Perth a lot more if I'm more settled in England. In case you need to know, I'll be back from December 23 until January 5. That means I am indeed back for Christmas, New Year's Eve and Southbound... the flipside to that being that I only really have the week between Christmas and NYE to catch up with anyone.

We are beautiful, we are doomed

2008-10-23T22:21:00.003+01:00

I know this blog is supposed to be about my experiences moving to and settling in England but I thought I should write something here about Tuesday's gig. If you know me at all, you'll know this year's been a bit of a rollercoaster both before and after the move - and for just about every emotion along the way, there's been a line from a Los Campesinos! song that fits just perfectly.

I guess losing trust in and/or contact with a number of good friends this year alienated me somewhat from the social life I used to treasure and consequently made me find comfort in other things and other people. Similarly, when I felt as though nobody had a clue what was going on and thus didn't realise when they were exacerbating matters, this particular band seemed to understand me best.

If you're not familiar with Los Campesinos! but have been reading this blog, you'll only need to hear a couple of lines from any of their songs to understand why I'm writing about them right now. Like the main character in High Fidelity, they approach all of life's problems as they would the music or films they're into. Compiling a mix tape, drawing up a top five list, linking an awkward social situation in with the music playing in the background... all of these things make High Fidelity my favourite film (shoot me: I haven't read the book nor will I ever) so I guess the same factors make Los Campesinos! just about my favourite band, possibly of all time.

I could rattle off a hundred lines and write a healthy paragraph on what each one means to me... but I'll save that for another time and speak very generally. At the risk of sounding tragic, every time I pick a situation out of one of the songs, I'm reminded that I'm not the only person lame enough to pay attention to those things. Like I said, the rambling stream-of-consciousness lyrical style isn't far from the way I think and it's as though the nerds behind those lyrics know exactly how I've been feeling for the past nine months.

The gig itself was brilliant - but I'm now at the stage with LC! that I'd be happy if they turned up and did nothing for three-quarters of an hour. They split it about half-and-half between the two albums, both of which will occupy the top two slots in my top 10 for 2008. I'm not sure which way around they'll go, though. I talked to a bunch of random people, some equally obsessed, others not, and though I was exhausted after going straight from work to the gig, I enjoyed every second, particularly the 180-ish at the end where Gareth and Neil climbed into the crowd, bounced off pillars and clattered into us all. Sweet dreams, sweet cheeks, yo.

But my favourite moment came at the end of the night when I mentioned the Summercase performance to Tom (guitarist), which I rate as the best I've seen. Ever. Now while that one was so special to me due to a lot of things all going on at the time (it's all in the lyrics to Knee Deep at ATP, really), there seemed to be something equally special going on up on stage. It was as though every one of them was floored by the crowd response and the band had realised how good things could actually get. His response? "That's... the best gig we've done."

Idle time

2008-10-19T20:59:00.003+01:00

I've been busy this weekend doing nothing at all. And it's been awesome. Since playing football (and getting my face smacked out of shape) on Friday night, all I really have to report is the large amount of soup I've consumed, getting a haircut and the harrowing experience of watching Spurs lose to Stoke this afternoon.

I'm now halfway through my month's detox, so I opted to stay at home all day Saturday and Sunday - only going outside to buy some deodorant and some more soup. I still feel like I need to catch up on sleep though, so I'll be going to bed shortly after finishing this update. I was considering another bowl of soup but a seventh for the weekend would probably be a bit much.

Anyway. It's pretty satisfying being happy about doing nothing. A couple of weeks ago it was driving me insane. I'd be sitting at home all day watching Sky and on the internet and I hated it. I've spent the past 48 hours sitting at home watching Sky and on the internet... and I loved it (apart from the bit where Tottenham lost). What a difference a busy week at work makes.

I've still got a few tasks to get onto - I don't really have much of a social life at the moment, which is partially due to my detox (going to the pub isn't much fun if you can't have a pint, and there isn't a lot else to do down here) and partially due to my dire financial situation. Then there's the fitness thing. I didn't do too badly on Friday night - I scored a couple, made a few and got a few decent tackles in - but I took a few knocks and running around on a hard surface has made me sore pretty much all over... most of all my knees. So yeah, obviously I need to do this sort of thing more often... the healthy diet thing is probably going to make a difference in the longer-term as well.

I doubt I'll have much news to report on during the week, so I wouldn't expect any updates for a few days. I'm hanging back in town on Tuesday evening to see the greatest band in the world at a pretty tiny venue and will thankfully be finished in time to catch the last train back to Highbridge (don't ask me about the time I waited out for the first train).

Also, I realised yesterday that I'm just a couple of weeks away from my first proper bonfire night since 1996. Awesome!

Looking good

2008-10-16T20:52:00.002+01:00

Since I'm only four days into the job it may be too early to say (in fact, that's a massive understatement) but it's looking as though I was right: I've got no time to worry about all that other stuff at the moment.

Now all I need is to pay off my debts and get myself into the city. Oh, and to get my computer cured of that blue stripe that's a result of me picking it up by the screen while open. Whoops.

Home for Christmas

2008-10-15T06:49:00.003+01:00

Oh, one last thing. The dates for my time off at Christmas are now confirmed. I've got holiday from December 22 until January 8 - so that works with the flights that are available and covers Christmas, New Year's Eve and Southbound quite comfortably.

I know that isn't very long at all, so I'll apologise now to those of you I don't manage to catch up with. I'll hopefully see most of you either at Southbound or on New Year's Eve... I'm not yet sure what I'm doing for the latter but it could well be Origin up at Belvoir. I'm hearing rumblings about Andy C doing the Loaded Dice event at Metro City though, so if that happens I'll probably be there instead.

Anyway, I'll keep you all posted.

Running on empty

2008-10-14T21:08:00.003+01:00

Seriously, I've probably done more in the last few days than I had in the entire month prior to that. Since I've been completely flat out since the weekend, I'm pretty exhausted so I apologise if this is a little rushed.

Work is pretty decent. The first month is spent in training, so I'll be pretty busy (no internet!) until well into November. I don't get paid until November 18, but the overdraft is serving me nicely and the subsidised canteen downstairs is really helpful.

I'm working with a fairly varied group - there are nine of us in total, after one of the original 10 quit - and we've already split off into our respective cliques, which I'm fairly pleased with. Well, I have someone with which I can talk music and someone who's decent for football talk. The material we're covering is pretty straightforward (insurance is insurance, right?) while the nuts and bolts stuff is creepily similar to what I had every day for two years at iiNet.

The one thing I am fairly conscious of, though, is coming off as overly confident (pretty weird that would be a problem for me in 2008), having done something similar before, having a tertiary education and having seen a bit of the world. Not that those things are uncommon at all, but who ever liked the guy in class who answered all the questions first and got them all right? It's probably because I don't really have any other outlets at the moment - if I start expressing myself in ways not relating to home insurance (playing football, making music, writing, whatever), I'll be a lot less likely to take this job too seriously.

Another plus point is me being up in Bristol every day - I'm learning my way around pretty quickly and am a lot more confident going around and about and getting things done on my lunch hour (eight hour days with an hour at lunch. Jealous?). I was a bit worried I'd miss out on a lot of gigs, since the last train home is at 11.40, but last week's revelation was that most inner-city venues operate under a 10 or 11pm curfew on weeknights. Last night I got to the Academy to see Foals and Holy Fuck (bands, in case you were wondering), both of whom were awesome... it's a shame licensed venues here are allowed to let underagers in - I was surrounded by 14 year old kids covered with florescent face paint having their after-school runaround. There was even a circle pit. Yeah. Nevertheless, I can't wait to move up.

This was going to be a quick update. I've just about finished the album I put on when I started this entry and have a fairly large to-do list before bed - so I'll leave it there for now.

Working nine to five

2008-10-12T18:33:00.000+01:00

So it all starts tomorrow! Watch this space.

Numbers and letters

2008-10-10T15:28:00.004+01:00

So I've finally swapped my keyboard over to UK English. But while I no longer have to copy and paste every time I refer to money, it's kinda tricky not having the characters on the keyboard correspond with what they actually do.

@ has swapped with " and £ is now shift+3 but I have no idea where hash is. I don't need to use the hash symbol for anything in particular, I'd just like to know where it is. Can anybody help me out?

Another thing on my list

2008-10-09T17:32:00.004+01:00

Am I too stubborn to back down when I really should? You know, when you'd rather lose a friend than lose an argument?

I've had that twice today and it's not a nice feeling.

I think one of those crises has been averted - with a little compromise from both parties and some smart mediation - while the other holds little hope. I know I left a few relationships in a bit of a mess when I moved here but... should I try to patch things up by proxy or should I let it go and get on with life in England?

Welcome to RBS

2008-10-07T22:29:00.003+01:00

I'm sharing an induction course with five girls. There's one or two more people who didn't make it to the welcome night - so I may not be the only guy - but seriously, this ratio is looking pretty awesome.

Money money money

2008-10-07T14:35:00.002+01:00

So it's not all bad news around here.

Yes, I failed a credit check with Halifax yesterday (I have no history of earning, saving or paying tax here - of course I failed) but today I got the details of my Natwest bank account, which gives me a bunch of extras since they're owned by RBS group. The best part, though, is the £500 overdraft.

Now I'm not going to get all excited and go on a spending spree straight away. It's money that's not mine. But since I work for the same parent company, they're willing to cut me a bit of slack that's sure to help me out while I wait for my first payday. So I can get a few winter clothes, food and drink and maybe a phone that doesn't fall apart when I try to slide it open (though I doubt I'll be approved for a contract until I can pass that credit check).

So I'm off up to Bristol now for my welcome night. I'm up there again this weekend to catch up with Melbourne Kate at some stage and possibly to see Andy C with London Elektricity on Friday night. I can't wait to move up there.

Oh, and another one:

2008-10-06T21:27:00.003+01:00

Independence.

The main reason I wanted to get out of Perth (as opposed to reasons I wanted to return to the UK) was me losing trust in a few of the people I most thought would have my back. Aside from the fact I'd wanted to be back in England for about five years, the main reason I picked the Burnham and Highbridge area was that there are people here I thought would have my back.

Not to disrespect any of the people down here who have helped me out with various things. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't had a decent bunch of people looking out for me. But looking at things from a bit further back, it's not exactly perfect here. People have their own concerns and, when it comes down to it, we all look after number one first.

In case you're wondering, nothing really dramatic has happened here. I've only been pondering these things because I've spent the past two months sitting at home on my own watching Sky Sports News. Any thoughts or worries I've had, I've been putting out on the internets because my two best friends down here don't have a spare second for a conversation. This is another thing that won't be so much of an issue when I start working but it still sucks. A lot.

I thought I'd learned this lesson in 2003. And 2004. The grass isn't always greener (metaphorically, at least). Wherever you go, there are people who will look after your interests and people who will let you down. Most people lie somewhere in the gap in between. I obviously need to stop relying on others so much.

My year in lists

2008-10-05T13:23:00.003+01:00

So, a few of those resolutions I promised. To start off, here's a couple of things I'll do once I've been paid:

Put some aside. Not much, as I have higher priorities. But enough to start a habit.
Buy some more clothes. I could do with a few more work shirts and some more warm stuff. It's getting colder by the day and I don't think I'm equipped.
Buy a lampshade for my bedroom.
Shout a few people drinks. I'm a few rounds behind with one or two people, I suspect.
Sign up for a phone contract. PAYG is rubbish and expensive. Oh, and my current phone is falling apart. Literally. I need a new phone and better rates.

And now a few things to do in the longer term:

Pay off all my debts.
Start saving hardcore.
Find myself a decent flat in the centre of Bristol, within walking distance of RBS.
Get across to London to see Spurs once in a while.
Buy a CD rack and fill it.

Finally, a few more hardcore goals that don't (directly) involve me spending any cash. I don't have a timeframe for most of these.

Full detox until my first payday. This is for health and financial reasons but mainly the latter - a round of pints usually puts a £10 pound dent in my finances and at the moment eating is a higher priority.
Get fit and healthy. This follows on from the last one - I need to take care of myself a bit better... and obviously the two go hand-in-hand. Once I join a football team or whatever
Learn to cook a few more dishes.
Make some friends of my own... rather than stealing the ones belonging to my housemates.
Get into my job. If I put my head down and get on with work I don't think I'll have any problems settling into life in the city.
Forget about Perth. Obviously I have family and a few friends there, but what I'm talking about is everything that happened there that's made me so bitter and resentful. I want to be able to go back and visit the people I still have time for rather than being terrified of confronting others.
I think if I get cracking on all the others then I'll take care of this last one but if I don't, I'd like to be more chilled. Less volatile. If you know what I mean.

It's my party and I'll piss and moan if I want to

2008-10-03T13:11:00.006+01:00

When compared to how I thought it would go, yesterday went fairly well. I didn't really get upset or anxious and it was quite flattering to have so much wall spam and so many text messages and emails coming my way.

There were a few people who let me down, though. There's one particular friend down here who's continually let me down since I arrived and she did it again last night. I know everyone has their own problems and you can't rely on them too much but I chose Highbridge over Bristol, London, Brighton et al so I could be closer to certain people, so of course it's going to hurt when they're a no show on your birthday.

The other one that comes to mind is the phone call I was hoping for and a conversation that's long overdue. I've cut my losses with a lot of Perth friendships this year and that's something I felt had to be done... but the one I thought was worth the effort is surely worth more than a generic "happy birthday Michael" to cap off two months of vague and evasive conversation (at best). Right? A watched phone never rings.

Tonight was supposed to be spent with Perth Adam, who was going to come across for a night out in Bristol. The night out in Bristol is still on but I'll be doing it without Adam, as he missed his flight earlier today. I'll still have a good night, no doubt, but when you add this to the nasty surprise earlier in the week (don't make me mention the band's name) that's two massive disappointments you don't want on your birthday weekend.

Anyway. I think I held it together fairly well, all things considered. I might go and have a nap now before I go out.

Edit: The Hold Steady rescheduled the Bristol gig for December 12. At least it's not when I'm out of the country.

Words/phrases I can finally use/pronounce properly

Ordinary, average (Five out of 10. The usual. Normal. Mean. Mode. Median. Etcetera. Since when was 'ordinary' something to resent?)

25 years of my life and still...

2008-10-02T00:09:00.002+01:00

...tryin' to get up that great big hill of hope. For a destination.

Thanks, Four Non Blondes, for those words of wisdom that took the charts by storm back in 1993.

If you forget about seven-hour delay, it's exactly a year since I was sat rugged up at 5 Royce Grove, sipping chai and listening to Neil Young's Old Man. It blows my mind when I think about how much has changed since then. Let's hope a lot more has changed by the time I've hit 26 (can anyone think of any songs that reference being 26? You have 364 days to let me know).

You're a slave to the money then you di-ie

2008-10-01T11:39:00.003+01:00

So I found out when my first payday would be. November 18. That's another seven weeks before I see a penny. And all I have to my name is A$113 and £100 (£130 if seetickets are offering full refunds on The Hold Steady tickets).

This ought to be good.

Lame

2008-09-29T18:34:00.001+01:00

The Hold Steady cancelled their entire UK tour. Happy birthday to me :(

Silver lining: at least this means I'm £30 or so richer.

London called

2008-09-29T10:33:00.003+01:00

London! Saturday! Perth people! Fun times! It was almost like being at Amplifier back in 2005 or 2006... but with one or two less familiar faces and one or two less familiar tunes. It was nice to relive some of my best Perth memories for once. Man I miss the good times.

So what else is happening? I start my new job (!!) two weeks today and have quite a lot on during my last two weeks of freedom. On Thursday I turn 25, so any of you lucky enough to have a copy of the Kamikaze EP (I don't) should put it on and crank the second track at full volume, in my honour. Just in case this makes no sense to you, my old band had a song called 25 Years. It's about getting old and settling down, I think. I'm planning some sort of dinner for the evening, so if you're in the Burnham and Highbridge area, contact me for details.

On Friday, a Mr Adam Martin will be travelling across to Bristol for one big night in town before flying off to Barbados or somewhere. We've failed miserably at the meet-up-in-Europe thing thus far, but Friday night should make up for that. The next night I'm dragging the other three occupants of 2 Grange Avenue up to Bristol Uni for The Hold Steady gig. I'm considering accosting Tad and making him promise to do the behind-the-back guitar trick just because it's [two days after] my birthday. Do you think it'll work?

Words/phrases I can finally use/pronounce properly

Vitamin (If, as I suspect, it's derived from the latin for 'life', I seriously doubt there's an 'eye' in it.)

Data (Does it have a double T? No.)

Status (See above.)

London calling

2008-09-27T11:19:00.003+01:00

Sorry for the lame heading but it had to be done. I'm heading on a bit of a road trip to London with Wallis later on today and it's gonna be awe-some. He's off to a tattoo convention and a party, while I'm going on a night out with some Perth people. NB: by 'some' I mean 'eighteen'.

I think I've been talking this weekend up for about six months now. Basically, everyone's travel plans align at this one point. Some are on their way in, some are about to head home, some are just passing through en route. There's plenty of things to celebrate: a couple of birthdays (cough), a couple of new arrivals, some goodbyes and I guess the main one is the fact everyone's in the same place at the same time.

If I'm going to be living here permanently (as is the plan), it will be a long time between drinks, when it comes to seeing my Perth friends. Yeah, I'll try to make it back once every year, maybe every second year, and people will (hopefully) come and see me here from time to time. But that's an eternity when you're used to seeing them every time you rock up at Amps or the Rosemount... so I really have to make the most of this.

In other news, Adam and I spent most of yesterday working around the house and I am chuffed to bits with the results. We started off clearing all the rubbish from the front garden (well, using the word 'garden' is a bit of a stretch - it's all gravel) and went on to eliminate everything in the laundry queue and replace every one of the 67 dead light bulbs around the house before capping it all off by giving the living room a major makeover. Now, instead of having half of it as living room with the other half a game of furniture tetris, we have the table in the middle with everything else around the edge. We can now seat 11 people and we have a table from which we can eat. It seriously was like something from one of those reality-TV-for-baby-boomers home makeover shows.

So now, if you'll excuse me, I am off to kick it with some homies.

Perth music

2008-09-25T12:21:00.003+01:00

While I'm loaded up on The Panics, The Silents and The Sleepy Jackson, I am otherwise disastrously low on Perth music right now. I had to leave my physical collection in Perth and, sadly, couldn't bring my external hard drive with me - leaving me only with what's on my laptop and the 30GB on my iPod.

If you've got something you know (or think, for that matter) I'm missing and have a few minutes, I'd really appreciate it if you could email me some tracks. If this is questionable ethical territory for you, rest assured I [probably] have the originals anyway, albeit 9109 miles away.

Slightly related fact: My collection in Highbridge contains three CDs and one DVD.

Collecting football stickers

2008-09-24T22:42:00.005+01:00

I don't want to be caught speaking too soon but I'll say right now that I'm about the best I've been since everything kicked off back in February. Aside from a couple of brief spells spent in fields with bands, mud and tents, of course. And I know I've been up and down like a yoyo lately but, as I'd hoped, bagging myself a job helped allay a lot of the anxieties that have had me down for most of the year. And I think it might well last.

And though I'm a bit stranded in terms of cashflow (from what I'm told, it is monthly pay) and will struggle right up until my first payday, I'm seeing the couple of weeks before my start date of October 13 in a whole different light. Where every day that went by was a day wasted and another however-many pounds in rent, bills and food that could have been spent elsewhere, the next 19 days are going to be a nice rest before I put my head down and sort my life out.

Speaking of sorting my life out, I'm going to use some of that time to really think about what it is I need to sort out. Going through the job application process - filling forms in (see below), updating my CV, preparing for the interviews, etc - I was forced to think over just about every aspect of my life. Strengths, weaknesses, achievements, goals, character, the list goes on.

So with all that in mind, I have a bit of time in which I can work out what I want to change and where I want to end up. My health and fitness is one area, discipline and routine is another. These are pretty vague, obviously, but after a bit of contemplation I'll come up with some specific targets. Some will take care of themselves once I start working. Some people make resolutions at the start of a new year; I think hitting the quarter-century is a better excuse.

My first definite goal is to complete the Merlin Premier League sticker collection for 2008-2009.

Words/phrases I can finally use/pronounce properly

Fill in (Two questions: why do the American insist on doing as much as possible backwards? and why do Australians try so hard to be like Americans?)

Success

2008-09-23T15:41:00.002+01:00

Unless something goes seriously wrong, I have bagged myself a job. I was there from 9.15 to 12.15 and got the phone call within half an hour of getting home. Apparently they really liked my approach, the way I responded to every one of their questions and, most of all, my confidence. Confidence? When you bear in mind the fact I've been contemplating seeing a GP about the chronic anxiety and insomnia, I guess I could sell anything. Good job it's a sales role.

All I need now is to go back into Bristol tomorrow morning sometime and get them a few more documents. They want proof of employment from anyone who's employed me in the last two years, which means iiNet and FasterLouder. If you're reading this, a big thanks to you Simon Bennett aka Corv for recommending I save copies of all my payslips before they deleted my staff email account. Without them I'd be screwed. As for FasterLouder, since I was technically self-employed I only have to print out a few of my DIY MS Word invoices. Easy peasy lemon squeezey. I start the job on October 13.

Now I've been wondering whether to go down to London for Friday night and Saturday night or just for Saturday. Considering I have an Amplifier reunion, Clare's birthday and my own (albeit a few days premature) to celebrate as well as today's massive achievement, two days in the capital might be in order. Oh, and between 4 and 6 on Friday afternoon David Bentley and Heurelho Gomes will be appearing at the Spurs supporters shop. I was 50-50 but now I'm leaning towards going down on Friday, staying out at Fabric or MoS until Saturday and then doing it all again. Any thoughts (apparently it's hard to make comments on here; you're welcome to email me or whatever, just so you know)?

Sleeping disorder, anyone?

2008-09-22T19:58:00.006+01:00

Alright so it's Monday and I've finally managed to have a decent night's sleep. On Saturday night it was Joey's birthday, so a big night boozing had to be had. But, to cut a long story short, my sleeping patterns have been really inconsistent lately and we all know that alcohol plus meds equals disaster.

So by about noon on Sunday I was still awake and the day's football was just getting started. And at 8pm, after two games on the TV, a "kickabout" in the park and watching Adam's 6-a-side team I was thoroughly knackered and was out as soon as my head hit the pillow. Aside from a brief lapse around 6 this morning, I was asleep for 15 glorious hours.

But let's go back to the kickabout. The idea was for me, Andy (housemate), Adam (Alix's significant other) and Adam's brother. Bear in mind I'd been awake for about 36 hours straight at that point, so I wasn't going to be much good anyway. Then Adam went and challenged a bunch of 10-14 year olds to a "quick game". An hour and a half later, we'd gone down 20-18, I'd missed three total sitters, had been beaten in the air by kids a foot shorter than me and had given the ball away as last man about a dozen times. My only saving grace was hitting five sweet corners out of the six I took - one of which smacked the unmanned near post. I probably would have called all of you at silly o'clock to brag if it had gone in.

I'm thinking exercising more regularly will help sort my sleeping and anxiety problems out and, if I get the RBS job (cross your fingers for me tomorrow), I'll be mentally tired when I put my head down every night. I won't be drinking much until I get my first pay from that ever-elusive job (I don't know what I'll do if it's monthly pay) and if I try to get my diet in order (having a job will make sure I'm out of bed for breakfast) I'll be in much better health. Even better, once I get some cash coming in I can buy a few things to make me feel like I'm not still a guest in my own home.

Coming up? Obviously I've got my birthday in 10 days (don't worry, Facebook will make sure you don't forget) but I'm not sure what I'm doing for it just yet. This coming weekend I'm venturing over to London to see Shannan and Mel before they end their globetrotting ways, plus I'll get to catch up with about a dozen Perth people I've met here, there and everywhere. By some massive stroke of luck, just about everybody seems to be in the capital at the same time. The following weekend I've got a ticket to see The Hold Steady at Bristol Uni, though I haven't yet convinced anyone to come with me - so I have no idea how I'd get home, given the last train back is at 11.30 and I don't fancy staying out all night. I hope it's not like this every time I wanna see a band.

Finally, I've a new segment for you. It's called "Words/phrases I can finally use/pronounce properly". Here's a few:

Pants
Research (if it was research it would have a hyphen and would refer to subsequent searches of locations you'd previously searched, duh)
Project
Status (it never had a double T)
Yoghurt
Marmite (no, it's definitely NOT manufactured by Sanitarium)
Weetabix (also not manufactured by Sanitarium)
And , yes, you knew it was coming, Football

Stay tuned. I'll post more when I come across them.

D-Day minus three

2008-09-20T11:37:00.003+01:00

Right, so, sorry, it's been a week without an update. Since the last update, Sian's come to visit, I've eaten a LOT of food and, at some stage, I managed to slice my finger open on the lid from a baked beans can.

But here we go... I'm three days away from the interview with Direct Line/RBS - what I'm going to start calling D-Day. I've put in a few more job applications over the past couple of days but the reality of this here situation is that if I don't get this job, I am pretty much screwed. Even if I do get the job, I will struggle to afford the daily commute if it's monthly pay.

There are a lot of things to ponder here. Squandered opportunities, the decision to come to Highbridge rather than go somewhere I could find work more easily, coming here a month earlier than I'd planned, squandered funds (Belgium, anyone?), the list goes on. But going over all of that will only increase the size of this ridiculous stress ball.

So what happens next? I'm going to put a frozen pizza in the oven, wait until it's cooked and then eat it.

Cause for excitement

2008-09-13T11:56:00.002+01:00

Upon waking this morning, I discovered a message on my phone from Sian, who's fed up with Glasgow and was wondering if she could come and stay this week. Obviously my answer to that question was 'yes'. If all goes to plan with RBS, this coming week will be my last before I start having responsibilities, commitments and other grown-up things to worry about... so the timing works out perfectly.

One thing that's been lost amongst the spasmodic emotions of moving has been the novelty of living out of home. It was only a couple of weeks ago that it dawned on me that this is the first time I've been able to do whatever I want (within reason, of course). Eating dinner in bed? Because I feel like it. A beer wall in the kitchen? Don't mind if I do. Etcetera. I'm gonna soak this up before it gets tedious (it does that pretty quickly, I'm told). Anyone else wanna come and stay?

American Beauty

2008-09-12T00:53:00.003+01:00

...was on the TV tonight. Though this was the umpteenth time I'd seen it, the closing lines seemed to carry a bit more weight this time around:

I guess I could be really pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it, and then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

One or two things to ponder there, huh?

2008-09-10T15:38:00.003+01:00

Just when I start to get on top of things over here, somebody says something concerning matters back in Perth and it sends me right back to square one.

Right now, I'm wondering whether it's worth breaking the bank to come back for Christmas, New Year's Eve and Southbound (as planned, don't you forget) when it's only going to be upsetting.

Through everything that's happened (ask me, if you don't know the whole story) with the decision to move, the move itself and the months since the move, I've always felt as though going back in December and January was something I needed to do. See friends and family, get some sun, reacquaint myself with a few of the things I'd left behind and tie up a few loose ends. What I'm feeling now, though, is that I've burnt a lot of bridges and don't really have much of a home to go back to.

I'm hoping this is just melodrama; part of the rollercoaster that's been me settling in here. And that once I really feel at home in England I'll be a lot more confident going back to Perth. But right now I'm not feeling very welcome or comfortable wherever I go. There's some stuff going on right now that's even making me feel uneasy in my own house. And that's just the latest in a long line of things that make me feel as though I left one home without really having another one.

I'm still waiting on a decent email. It's been ages since I've had a decent conversation with anyone that wasn't about football and I'm starting to wonder whether anyone actually reads this or not. Either way, it's good for me to be writing, even if it's only for me.

Speaking of football, it would probably be a good idea to find out which pubs are showing the England v Croatia match. I'm going to tempt fate again here and say the last thing I need right now is England losing a World Cup qualifier...

Mission accomplished

2008-09-09T17:29:00.005+01:00

If Friday was the day everything went wrong, today was the day [almost] everything went right.

My train was on time and managed to get into Cardiff early without having to change in Bristol, and then, just as I thought I'd got lost on the way to the jobcentreplus, I turned into its adjacent street that led me there via a Print Centre, where I could print off some documents (I'd otherwise have presented a USB stick in the interview).

At the end of said interview, just as I was freaking out over the 6-8 weeks it'd take them to get me a card, the softly-spoken, retirement age-defying man on reception offered to do me up a letter that would serve as proof of National Insurance. And that was without asking.

Yeah, it decided to piss it down as soon as I left the building, but I didn't care. Michael 1, Inland Revenue and jobcentreplus 0. Okay, maybe this one was more like 5-4. But it's three points and Spurs are off the bottom of the table.

So, a little damp but with spirits higher than Ben Cousins with a mouthful of ice, I escaped the rain and got another on-time and direct train back to Highbridge and got home to Sky Sports News and a cup of tea.

One last thing, I'd really appreciate a decent email from one or two of you. My two housemates are busy off with teaching and other things and just about all my other friends down here are doing whatever it is people in Somerset do when they're too busy to drop in. It'll be fine once I've started working but for now, I'm kind of relying on National Insurance missions to keep me busy...

Cardiff calling

2008-09-08T16:24:00.003+01:00

So tomorrow I get the train up to Cardiff for a pointless meeting where a government agency will [hopefully] decide that, yes, I am a British citizen and that, yes, I do live here.

I guess it makes sense: I've been a citizen all my life but have never worked here and have never paid income tax or National Insurance here. I'd be suspicious as well. Still, I feel like I'm taking part in a dog show with all these hoops I've had to jump through.

I know you're all sick of this saga so I'll stop talking about it until I have some news.

I spent the weekend at home due partly to a lack of funds but mainly the torrential rain. It is September now... and it's only going to get worse. Luckily I managed to hang onto the blanket first aid gave me at Roskilde - that will no doubt get a good run here at home over the autumn and winter. And since I still only have four pairs of jeans, six shirts, four jumpers and two pairs of shoes (and no tumble dryer) I'm going to spend a lot of the next few months damp and cold. That said, there is nothing quite like cozying up with a blanket and a cup of tea while your wet clothes are hung up on the radiator drying.

I've got three and a bit weeks until my birthday, which, amazingly, considering all my travels, is only my second away from home and my first away from the family. I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing for it, but if you're in the Highbridge and Burnham area, keep the evening of Thursday October 2 free - I'll probably end up doing a pub dinner or something. On the Saturday night (October 4) I'm off up to Bristol to see The Hold Steady at the uni, flying solo at the moment... I'm not quite sure how I'm getting home after the show (the last train is at 11.45 and I'm sure I'll miss it) but I Really. Can't. Miss. This. Gig.

Oh, and if anyone wants to send me something for my birthday, just go round to my house in Perth and snoop around my room for something you reckon I'm missing.

Bureaucracy gone mad

2008-09-05T17:03:00.007+01:00

Now I can understand why all those proto-fascist cabbies have so many grievances with "the system" and would "make a few changes" if they were in charge.

Three weeks ago, I went into the jobcentreplus to find out whether or not I had a National Insurance number (for you Aussies, that's like a tax file number). The lady took my ID and eventually traced one, addressed 3 Talbot Grove, Leeds, LS8 1AB. I left that address in 1993. Anyway. she scribbled it down on a piece of paper, so I had a record of it.

Yesterday, as requested, I provided the Hays rep with my NI number. Cool? Not cool. They needed proof of NI. My bit of paper wasn't acceptable because the number was hand-written. I'd have to go back to the jobcentreplus and get them to print me something off.

So after yesterday's net success (the NI situation was a minor blip on an otherwise successful day) I decided to get myself down to the jobcentreplus in Bridgwater (10 minutes on the train, if that) to get that printout. I knew things weren't going to go smoothly when it started tipping down the moment I left the house.

So, soaking wet and clutching my soggy passport, I trudged across Bridgwater to the jobcentreplus. After explaining my situation, the woman there told me it wasn't their problem and that I'd have to contact the Department of Inland Revenue. You see, I had a number, I just needed them to send me a card.

So I got on the phone and called Inbred Revenue. On taking my number, they explained it had never been activated - I could do so using a form available from - you guessed it - a jobcentreminus.

Back at the handjobcentreplus, I asked the same lady for the form. "We don't do that here," she said. Awesome. If all else fails, at least I have a career as a ping pong ball to fall back on.

Using the headjobcentreplus phone, I called Incest Revenue back and asked about the form. The guy didn't sound as competent as the previous rep, and when I passed the phone over to the blowjobcentreplus woman, she gave him a right bollocking. Now that was cool but it didn't really solve my problem.

Bear in mind here that I'm on the cusp of getting the job I need to pay rent, bills and all those other annoying essentials. All I need is a piece of paper confirming that yes, I am entitled to contribute some of what I earn to all the junkies that can't be arsed working.

In the end, blowjobcentreminus woman, helpful as she was, sent me away with a couple of leaflets with numbers to ring. I'm sure she was satisfied with her solution but you can't survive eating leaflets and you certainly can't pay bills with them.

...and we're not done yet.

On the slightly-less-wet walk back to the station, I called one of the numbers I'd been given to find out the next step. An interview, apparently, to apply for a National Insurance number, I was told. I ALREADY HAVE THE NUMBER. I JUST NEED PROOF. Apparently I needed to go through the same process anyway, to prove my identity and residency. Can someone tell me what the point was of giving me an NI number as a nine-year-old if I have to go through the application process before I can use it anyway?

It gets better.

The first appointment they could get me in Bristol or Taunton was in two weeks. There was one in Cardiff on September 9, but Cardiff is Cardiff. They put me in for Taunton on the 17th. That's roughly five weeks on from my initial inquiry. I AM A BRITISH CITIZEN. DO YOU NOT WANT ME TO JOIN THE WORKFORCE? This is for a twenty-something of Anglo-Saxon appearance with [near] perfect English, carrying a British passport and a USB stick holding all my documenation. I hate to think what it's like if you wear a cloth on your head and one of your middle names is Ahmed.

About 10 seconds after hanging up, I decided two weeks was ridiculous. If getting this piece of paper takes too long, it could harm my chances of finding work before my cash runs out.

So I called back almost straight away and took the Cardiff appointment. The only thing this saga was missing was Wales. Now it's got everything.

So on Tuesday I'll be making my way up to Cardiff somehow to sit in a room and show someone my passport and a bank statement. If the system doesn't screw that up, I should receive the elusive slip of paper shortly after. If all goes to plan (yes, I'm tempting fate there) I should have proof of NI before my next interview for the RBS job, which, I've just found out, is on September 23.

So three hours, a lot of phone calls and countless agitated facial expressions from the jcp lady, I have a lot less faith in "the system". Hey, maybe I could be one of those cabbies. At least then I wouldn't have any problems with tax.

"Sort your life out" day

2008-09-04T09:20:00.004+01:00

Even though I've been 'settled' for about six weeks now, there hasn't yet been any kind of routine to my day. Six months ago, I'd get up at the same time every day, shower, have breakfast, go to work, have Subway for lunch, go home, watch the news, have dinner, chill for a bit and then go to bed.

Now as you all know, I wasn't much of a fan of my life in Perth but that is one aspect I'd like back. I think I'd sleep a lot more easily if I knew I'd achieved something that day.

So I've decided today is "Sort your life out" day. I'm going to cross as many things as possible off my to-do list and, though it might be a little ambitious, I'm not going to watch Sky Sports News at all.

I'll check in a bit later on to let you know how I go but, for now, here's a rough checklist:

Get up at a reasonable hour
Eat breakfast
Make my bed
Put my photo boards on the wall
Mission (yes, it's a verb now) to Bristol and impress the lady from Hays.
Leave with a job
Pick myself up a ticket for The Hold Steady at Anson Rooms (does anyone in the area want to come with me? It's on my birthday weekend and everything!)
Buy a map of the city
Get home before Blondie and/or Eliza drop by
Go to ASDA to get some real bread
Don't watch Sky Sports News

UPDATE: So Eliza didn't come around, I forgot to get a map and I scored an interview for a job rather than getting one straight off. But still, a pretty successful day. High fives!

...and up again

2008-09-02T23:10:00.004+01:00

I told you things went up and down pretty quickly. After last night's sad attack, Wallis told me to "stop being gay" and dragged me up to Bristol for the afternoon. We had a bit of a cruise around the inner city suburbs, giving me more of a feel for the city and an idea of how it fits together - something I hadn't really done before today.

Rewind about 30 minutes and I'm in the car, taking a phone call from another Hays rep (completely independent of the first guy, it appears) about going in on Thursday to sign on.

So skip back to where we were and I'm looking at the city from a totally different perspective. There seems to be plenty of work up there, as long as I have a bit of time and patience to sort things out. Now if I'm working up in the centre, it'll be worth my while moving up there sooner rather than later - and while I'm not making any firm plans just yet, it's nice to feel more familiar with the place.

The new school year starts tomorrow, which means both of my housemates are back in the classroom. They're teachers, you see. That means I'll be spending a lot more time by myself and,hopefully, with less distractions, it will force me to get my arse into gear. I'm 25 years old in exactly one month: I'm not one to set deadlines but I'll be disappointed if I'm not a bit more settled by then.

A bit of a downer

2008-09-01T23:10:00.003+01:00

Okay so still no call about the job in Bristol. If you forget the weekend, they've had a couple of days to get hold of me... so I'm starting to doubt that "as quickly as possible" thing. But you never know.

I had a voicemail message from a different agency earlier on about a copy writing job (no details of where) but when I called the number the woman left I got a long, continuous tone. I hope she rings back.

The flat in Bristol may still happen, which will make things interesting once again. It'd be a lot easier to get something temporary or casual if I was up there, especially given the fact I don't drive.

Obviously there is a bit of interest but nothing has come good yet and this is doing my head in. I don't know for how much longer I can sit around watching Sky Sports News and waiting for someone good to come online. I was out and about last night and didn't get out of bed until 11 today, so I'll be up for a while. That's possibly the worst part - when you don't have anything to do you don't need to sleep. And when you're sitting awake in bed listening to things happening in the bedrooms either side of yours, you spend a lot of time thinking of places you'd rather be.

So, since we're starting a new month, let's do a quick recap. I have very little money, no work, no way of getting around, live on beans on toast (or just toast) and spend my days tapping into Rupert Murdoch's vision for no-hopers in Britain. Ever had the feeling you've done something really, really stupid?

Turning a corner?

2008-08-30T14:17:00.003+01:00

I don't want to speak too soon but I might have sorted things out. I got a call from Hays the other day about a helpdesk job up in Bristol. I didn't apply for the job and I haven't signed on with Hays (or any other ganecies) yet... I uploaded my CV through a few job listings sites - someone must have spotted it somewhere along the way.

Anyway, the guy who called me seemed really positive and said he was hoping to "get this turned around as quickly as possible". I've got a full run-down of the job specs and it looks as though I'd be more than competent... the only thing I'd have to think over is the commute. I'd be looking at a 45-minute train ride every morning and every evening and 11 pounds 40 for the return fare. Good time for music, I suppose, and cheaper than driving (if that was even an option). If it's doing my head in then I'll find a place that's more central.

On that topic, it's been a week and I haven't heard back about that flat. I think it's safe to say it ain't gonna happen.

Since my last update I haven't really heard much from anyone in Perth and, I guess with one or two positives, it's pushed some of the more negative stuff out of focus. I know that's not a great long-term solution - you're going to run out of distractions at some point - but for the time being it's about the best I can do.

Finally, epic fail for all of you on the email front. I've had a grand total of one blog comment, a couple of facebook messages that were effectively emails and one email proper. Poor form.